Weekend to Remember (Part 2)
some curious reactions
While sharing with others about the marriage retreat that my husband and I attended a month ago (Weekend to Remember by FamilyLife), I’ve been surprised by a variety of responses. Apparently, marriage conferences aren’t everyone’s thing. I admit, I myself was nervous about going. I want to explore this, using myself as a case study. Could I fairly use anyone else?
If you’d like to read the first post about our Weekend to Remember, click the link below.
Conferences are Scary
I admit. I was nervous about attending the conference. I was concerned that the speakers would use the apostle Paul’s letters to say that, because Paul addressed how first-century marriages might solve several specific issues within the social hierarchies of that day, we ought to replicate those social hierarchies in our families, with husbands as the governing power over wives, both in the spiritual and earthly sense.
“Therefore, women, let the men lead. Let them be the primary governing power of your families. You can advise, listen, and give suggestions, but you need to let them make the spiritual decisions (under God’s direction, of course). It’s man’s calling, not yours. You are called to submit to them. It’s in the Bible!”
Yes, the Bible does say wives submit to husbands, but this interpretation of those passages doesn’t seem right.
Consider, if leadership means servant-leadership, caring and sacrificing for the other, who in the marriage is in charge of doing that? Isn’t it both? Both serve and sacrifice for the other. Both protect the marriage from harm. Both are in charge of growing and being grown through the other. Both are in charge of standing up for what is right and standing against what is wrong.
However, when people say the husband must lead his family, I think they usually mean that husbands ought to govern their families, set the example, regulate behavior, and make the best decisions for the good of the family. I agree. And so long as the husband isn’t ego-centric or power-hungry or maybe simply confused about scripture, he may find an excellent co-governor in his wife. I think God invites couples to work together as a symbiotic team. However, if the husband or wife believes it’s wrong or a “curse” for husbands and wives to work together like this, then I think, for them, it will indeed be wrong or a “curse” to them.
Further Up & Further In
Since COVID, my husband has worked from home, and through that, the Lord has been teaching us how to lead our family together in both the spiritual and earthly sense. Therefore, when I hear teaching on adhering to a men-must-lead-women system, it feels like receiving instructions on how to use a wheelchair as I have ventured to take a few stumbling steps.
How can I say this without giving offense? I don’t mean to call you a cripple if you prefer men to lead their families while wives defer. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with men leading their families. A man leading is wonderful! It’s far better than a man running away or abusing his family. But God calls each generation to something further up and further into His kingdom. What was growth for one generation might be atrophy for the next. And really, those who move beyond a-man-only-leadership-system have the same work of repentance and surrender as everyone else. They just hope to work within a different paradigm.
Doesn’t this occur in every reorganization of government? All people, no matter what kind of government they’re in, need repentance and Christ’s cleansing work. However, one kind of government paves the way for the next kind of government, which better suits the people’s needs and changing understanding. Democracy was made possible by England’s constitutional monarchy, and England’s constitutional monarchy was made possible by an absolute monarchy. And that absolute monarchy was set in motion by an early feudal system of many warring people groups. We build upon the systems given to us.
God has placed each marriage on its own journey for the sanctification of all those involved. Working collaboratively with my husband is prompting us to grow more than trying to adhere to a male hierarchy. But we aren’t more spiritually mature than others. Seriously, we’re not. I just criticized my husband’s parenting, then ate his last peach ring gummy.
To read more of our story, click the link below, where I wrote an allegory based on our journey.
How Did It Go?
So did the speakers at the conference tell wives to submit and men to lead? I can’t report on the men’s session, but I can tell you what they told the women. However, as this post is growing too long, you’ll have to wait until next week to read it.
Click the link after next Tuesday to read about what was presented at the conference.
To read more now, click a link below.
Looking forward to nexr week!