Wives, Love Your Husbands as Sons
An Ephesians 5:21-33 rewrite
Do you know how Paul, in Ephesians 5:23, likens husbands to Christ and then has some specific instructions for the husbands? He also likens wives to the church and has some instructions for the wives. I wonder if we’re missing something by ignoring the instructions that we think don’t pertain to us.
For example, we might think that because Paul likens husbands—not wives—to Christ, wives aren’t supposed to sacrifice themselves for their husbands like Christ did for the Church. That sort of sacrifice is just for the man to do. Men follow Christ’s example. Women follow . . . the church’s example? (Yikes! I hope not.) If we believed this, then we’d have to amend other parts of scripture where all believers are told to be imitators of Christ, to follow Christ, to take up our cross, and follow him. Thus, Paul can’t mean that only men follow Christ and sacrifice for their spouses.
Likewise, we might think that because wives—not husbands—are likened to the church, this means that wives, not husbands, should be the primary recipients of benefits in the marriage relationship. This might prompt wives to have unrealistic expectations for what their husbands are supposed to give them or it might cause husbands to refuse or miss out on receiving the gifts and sacrifices their wives offer them.
I think men and women may miss out on some great things if we think certain parts of scripture don’t apply to us. This prompted me to try switching “husbands” for “wives” and vice versa in Ephesians 5:21-33.
You may think this is sacrilegious, and it probably is. So don’t take any of this too seriously. However, I think there’s insight to be gained from this experiment.
The Problems With This Switch
Now, you might already see a problem with doing this. It just won’t work for a few reasons. First, unless we’re living in a female-ruled society, it’s not appropriate to ask husbands to submit to their wives in all things. Second, Paul calls men the “head” as Christ is the “head” of the church. I think “head” in Koine Greek was exclusively a man’s position, something he just is and will always be.
By the way, when I say “head,” I don’t mean authority or leader, but rather something more like an originator or the source of one’s beginnings. This is a new way of understanding head for me based on my reading Cynthia Westfall’s book, Paul and Gender: Reclaiming the Apostle’s Vision for Men and Women in Christ. To read the historical support of this, click on the link below and scroll halfway down to where I summarize Cynthia Westfall’s findings on the Greek word for “head." Look for the heading “And Now Interesting Things About Heads.”
Anyway, if “head” means an originator in the Koine Greek, women can’t be the “head” of their husbands for two reasons. Reason one, Adam’s body served as the origin of Eve’s body as seen in Genesis 2 and 1 Corinthians 11:8; and reason two, human families come about through the will of the man as seen in John 1:13 and Genesis 2:24 where the man, not the woman, leaves his father and mother and joins with his wife to become one flesh. Thus, as “head” men plant their seed in women and begin a family. Men are the driving force, so to speak.
This really enriches how Paul talks about Christ and the church throughout Scripture. The Church’s physical existence was made possible by Christ’s physical existence, and through the Church body, Christ began a new family. Paul even describes Christ functioning like this in Ephesians 4:15-16 where he says that Christ as the head joins and holds all things together. Likewise, a husband joins with his wife to create a family through her, and his seed is in all their children and their children’s children thereafter.
I can’t just switch men and women in these functions. It’s a fact in the Genesis creation account and a fact in procreation. This is God’s natural order and it parallels his spiritual order. Men plant the seed, and, like magic, babies grow in the women until it’s time to give birth. Likewise, Christ came to earth to implant his Spirit in us and make us a part of his Heavenly family. Like a baby in a womb, Christ’s family is growing and waiting, as in the pains of childbirth, for our adoption to sonship, the redemption of our bodies. (Romans 8:22-23)
For more on this theme, click the link to read a poem based on the unique functions of men and women as revealed in Genesis 2.
An Equivalent Substitute for “Head”
Anyway, to make this passage sensible, I’ve not only switched “husbands” with “wives” but altered the analogy. Since women cannot be the head of men, I’ve changed it so that women are the birthmothers of men just like Christ caused the church to be born. Giving birth is exclusively a woman’s activity. Thus, child-bearing seemed an appropriate equivalent to the apostle Paul’s meaning of “headship.” It’s not a perfect substitute, but it’ll do for this experiment.
This Ephesian rewrite thus admonishes women to treat their husbands as if they were sons. I don’t mean that wives ought to treat their husbands like children. No one, man or woman, wants to be treated like a child who has his freedoms restricted and choices made for them. That is not what I mean by using this analogy. I mean a healthy relationship between a mother and her grown son.
I think there’s a lot we wives can learn through this analogy. Thinking of our husbands as another mother’s grown son may help us understand how we are to love and respect our husbands. Sons are bone of our bone and flesh of our flesh; husbands are not. We forgive and forget our sons’ mistakes somewhat quickly; it takes more work to do so for our husbands. We’ll make all kinds of excuses for our grown sons, but we expect our husbands to act with the maturity of a wise sage. We’ll be understanding our sons to the nth degree, but we’ll roll our eyes at our husbands quite easily.
A mother will look past her son’s flaws and encourage him in his endeavors. She will carefully consider how much advice to give him, and she’ll be proud of what he accomplishes even if other people don’t think it’s that great. She will always welcome him home even if he leaves dishes out and his bedroom in a mess. I think this analogy has a lot to teach women about how we treat our husbands.
*Note: I have inserted other parts of scripture here to shed light on the Ephesian alteration. Changes are in brackets. Deletions are noted with ellipses. All verses are footnoted throughout. I used both the NIV and ESV for the scripture references.
Ephesians 5:21-33 NIV & ESV
“Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. [Husbands] . . . to your [wives] as to the Lord,1 . . . for woman is not independent of man, nor is man independent of woman. For as woman came from man, so also man is born of woman.2 For [every] husband is [a son] of [another’s] wife as Christ is [like a mother] of [the church], his [child] of which [he has caused to be born again.]3
Now as the church [serves] Christ, so also [husbands] should [serve] their [wives] in everything.4
[Wives] love your [husbands], just as Christ loved the church and [caused him to be born again and] not shut in the womb5 to make [him] holy, cleansing [him] by the [birthing] of water and spirit6 with the word7 that [he] may nurse and be satisfied from her consoling breast; that [he] may drink deeply with delight from her glorious abundance,8 and [be] present[ed] to [Christ] as a radiant [son], without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless,9 perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.10
In the same way [wives] should love their [husbands] as their own bodies. [She] who loves [her husband] loves [herself]. For no one ever hated [her] own flesh [and blood child] but nourishes and cherishes [him], just as Christ does the church, because we are [children] of [Christ’s] body. Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife and the two shall become one flesh.11 She [will be] the mother of all living12 [Just as] . . . Adam knew his wife, and she conceived and bore Cain, saying “I have gotten a man with the help of the Lord.”13
This mystery is profound and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love [one another] as [yourself] and let the wife see that she respects her husband.14
Ephesians 5:21-22
1 Corinthians 11:11-12b
Ephesians 5:23 ref. 1 Peter 1:3
Ephesians 5:24
Ephesians 5:25 ref. 1 Peter 1:3 & Isaiah 66:9
Ephesians 5:26a-c ref. John 3:5
Ephesians 5:26d
Isaiah 66:11
Ephesians 5:27
James 1:4b
Ephesians 5:28-31
Genesis 3:20b
Genesis 4:1
Ephesians 5:32-33