Rare Diseases in Men and Women
and the cure to them
Let’s pretend you discovered that you have an unusual disease and so you admit yourself into a hospital. In the waiting rooms, you find a hundred other patients mulling about waiting for treatment. Fifty are men; fifty are women. How about that! You are curious about your disease, so you examine a wall chart that lists how many people in the hospital have what kind of disease. Here’s what you read:
Po Disease—10% men; 9% women
Vavil Disease—6% men; 10% women
Grippy Disease—14% men; 10% women
Seesaw Disease —10% men; 18% women
Yap Disease—7% men; 3% women
Mums Disease—13% men; 18% women
Krike Disease—19% men; 12% women
Bashum Disease— 8% men; 6% women
Dup Disease—16% men; 17% women
Naturally, you want to know which diseases are the most common and which are the most rare. You notice that Krike and Dup Diseases are the most common among men. You notice that Seesaw and Mums Disease are the most common among women.
After studying the charts on the wall, you notice a good-looking individual eyeing you from down the hall. You wish you knew what they were in for, but to be honest, you haven’t a clue what these diseases are about. They sound made-up. So after casually asking the attractive patient to grab a coffee with you at the hospital coffee shop, you suggest you both attend a seminar on your diseases. The seminar is packed with other men and women. It seems that everyone is curious about these diseases and one another.
The nurse running the program is an older woman. She explains how most women have Mums and Seesaw disease. She explains how Mums disease causes people to have panic attacks, seek solace in systems, and incessantly check the news. She explains how Seesaw Disease, which is also common among women, causes depression, gross introspection, and periods of extreme joy followed by extreme sorrow.
Next, she explains the two men’s diseases. Krike Disease prevents men from sitting still for very long. Men with Krike also tend to avoid difficult conversations and commitments. Men with Dup Disease, on the other hand, rarely know they’re sick. They often do mind-numbing activities, lack motivation, and don’t know what they want.
The seminar takes a ten-minute break and then begins with session two, which explains how to have relationships with people of the opposite sex. Naturally, the seminar focuses on people with Mums, Seesaw, Krike, and Dup. Women would be wise to respect Krike-men’s freedom and not engage them in difficult conversations for too long. Dup-men need to be around people who will help wake them up and understand that their disease is serious. For men dating women with Mums or Seesaw Disease, they would be wise to help them feel secure and to be long-suffering listeners when women share their feelings.
The seminar ends with croissants and everyone gets a free booklet about these four diseases and how to love people with them.
The Analogy Unpacked
In case you haven’t guessed yet, the rare diseases listed above correlate with the Enneagram numbers. The stats were taken off this website which tested 189,957 men and women. The website notes that the large number of Enneagram 4 women might be because Enneagram 4 women are most fascinated with these introspective tests. Naturally.
If you’re not familiar with the Enneagram, it’s like an analysis of the soul’s diseases. We have certain needs that only God can satisfy and because we’re born out of a relationship with the Lord, we attempt to satisfy ourselves in other ways. The Enneagram numbers each have a name, which I haven’t included. The names correlate to how each number tries to meet its greatest need: helper, observer, reformer, performer, enthusiast…
Some people frown upon the Enneagram because its origins are dubious and the science supporting it is still up and coming. Religious people in particular are wary of it because it can have a cultish-like following.
I view the Enneagram as I would a diagnostic test. It just categorizes people’s basic psychological needs. It doesn’t convict people of sin or point people to God. That’s the Holy Spirit’s work.
Here’s the chart again with each number’s needs and the percentage of men and women who are each.
Power: the need to control ourselves—10% men; 9% women
Value: the need to obtain help for our basic needs—6% men; 10% women
Value: the need to be loved regardless of performance—14% men; 10%
Value: the need to be known thoroughly and loved —10% men; 18% women
Security: the need to obtain knowledge for security—7% men; 3% women
Security: the need to be prepared for the future—13% men; 18% women
Security: the need to feel secure during difficulties—19% men; 12% women
Power: the need to have power to affect change—8% men; 6% women
Power: the need to be at peace when not in control—16% men; 17% women
The Formula For Loving One Another
Now, if you were going to have a seminar about how men and women can best love each other, where would you start? Would you focus primarily on the needs with the highest percentages? That might be a good place. But if you only focused on the two highest percentages, you would’ve addressed only 35-36% of men and women’s needs and ignored the other 64-65%. Not only that but you would’ve addressed only 2/9ths of human needs. On top of that, you might confuse people into believing that love is a formula instead of a relationship.
Men loving women means more than listening to their heart and protecting them. Men might love women by giving them freedom to make their own choices. Men might love women by leaving them in peace or encouraging them even if they fail at something. Men might love women by not giving in even after a woman has begged for something. Love is doing what’s right for someone at the right time in accordance with God’s leading.
On the flip-side, women’s love to men isn’t limited to reigning in their tongues or allowing their husbands freedom. Women might love men by tending to their daily needs or listening to them go on and on about sports or by giving them a run-down of what went on in the home while their husbands were gone. Women might love their husbands by drawing a boundary or standing up to them. Again, love isn’t a formula. It’s a relationship.
The Secret Formula For Relationships
I don’t think the Bible gives us a formula for how men and women ought to best love each other. A relationship with Christ is our formula and he’s not a formula at all but a person. We learn what is good, true, and profitable in our relationships with the opposite sex as we test and discern what God’s will is in different situations with different people at different times. This means learning along the way, paying attention to each other, and communicating with one another and God.
When Paul wrote his letters to the churches, he was instructing first-century Christian couples how to love and respect each other in a time when women weren’t educated and the survival of the Church was dependent upon how well they blended into society. Paul’s “rules” for first-century Christian marriages don’t take the place of having a relationship with Christ to discover how to love someone of the opposite gender.
I confess the confusion about this topic has annoyed me greatly. Perhaps I even rant to people about it. What can I say? I’m recovering from Yap Disease.
But since we are all recovering from one disease of another, here is my advice. Return to the hospital. Mingle with the people. Learn about your disease. Get to know the other patients. Listen to the nurses, but don’t confuse their authority with God’s. Remember, hospital staff have a disease too. Rather, go with one another to the Doctor. He’s our only hope.