The other day, I noticed a fascinating thing about a game my son invented and how this affects his attitude toward his sister.
My son has created a game with his Army men where he sets up two opposing sides, rolls a die to decide how far the men move, and then rolls the die again to see how much damage they inflict upon each other. It’s a complex game that I don’t entirely understand. It’s also one of those games that my daughter doesn’t enjoy playing. My son has tried to play the game with her, but it didn’t go well, mostly because she didn’t want to abide by his rules. She kept wanting to change the rules so no one got hurt. She has a strong stereotypical female streak in her that wants to domesticate anything and everything. No fighting. No killing. Just marriages and bedtimes. People don’t die; they go to hospital.
This is why my son has stopped trying to play the game with his little sister and only plays this game when his guy friends come over.
Now, as is the case when my son has friends over, Little Sister often feels left out. Sometimes, I guard the boys’ time together. Sometimes, I ask them to mix it up and include her. Now, if I were a doofus-mom and asked my son and his friends to include Little Sister in his Army Men game, my son would come up with all sorts of reasons why this is a bad idea.
This is a two-person game. Sister doesn’t know the rules. She didn’t include him when she had a friend over last week. She cries if someone dies. She gets mad when things don’t go her way. She’s too bossy. She doesn’t play right. She keeps trying to play “family” with the men, finding them wives, serving meals, and designing them outfits.
If I suggest solutions for these problems and make my son play with Sister anyway, it will probably turn out poorly for her. I shouldn’t be surprised if she comes running out of the room crying to me about how the boys treated her. The boys may answer, “See! She can’t handle this game.” Or “See! She doesn’t know how to play right!” Or “See! She keeps trying to change the rules of our game!”
It would be foolish to try to make the boys include Sister in their Army Men Game, and if I’m a wise mom, I don’t ask the boys to include her. Rather, if I want the boys to include Little Sister, I ask them to play a different game: Spy, for example.
Spy is a game where the boys hide from me and try to do naughty things, like climb on the property wall or steal marshmallows from the sweets drawer. Spy works best when the boys have someone to distract Mom while they perform their misdeeds. Sister is great at that. If they see Sister as a vital addition to their game, they’ll find ways for her to play with them even if Mom herself objects to Sister’s participation.
Sister needs to empty the dishwasher? Why, the boys will do it for her. She doesn’t know how to play? They’ll teach her. She just fell and is crying? They’ll make her laugh and get a bandaid. Mom is afraid the boys will influence Sister into doing something she shouldn’t do? They promise to make Sister the team captain of them.
If the boys want Sister to play, they’ll become an army against Mom to let Sister play. If they don’t want her to play, they’ll become an army against Sister to prevent her from playing. It all depends on what game they decide to play.
Yes… the mind of the boy and that of the girl differ when warfare is on the table. My friends and I played ‘Army’ a lot… (it was the mid 1950s). We used realistic looking guns made of wood and metal… and big, hard dirt clods which served as grenades. At age seven I lived next to where they were putting through the Harbor freeway in south-central Los Angeles. All of the houses had either been moved or ‘bulldozed’, It was the perfect battlefield. My step dad was a master at making things out of metal and wood. He once made me a very real-looking full-scale replica of a tripod mounted 50 caliber machine gun. I won many ‘fire-fights’ with it. Can you imagine the calls to law enforcement and the response if kids were playing with one of those on our streets today?