Part 6: Chapter 4

The Good of Wearing Masks

Tuesday, June 23, 2020
	Passed by the children’s school on my solo walk this morning at 6:15 am. The digital sign out in front of the children’s school used to flash “Stay Safe” with a picture of a pixilated student smiling. Now it reads “no program,” and the letter “p” is missing several pixels so it looks like the Greek letter μ. On the sidewalk at the bottom of the school’s grassy slope, some people wearing masks are erecting an easy-up and table. They have crates with brown paper bags in them. 
	Ask them what they’re doing, but their replies are too garbled by their masks for me to understand them. Ask again, and they repeat themselves in louder but still undecipherable voices. Feel that asking a third time would be rude. What I really want to do is ask them to take off their masks. I myself am not wearing a mask. Do not wear masks on my morning walks as I do not come within six feet of anyone, and those I pass on the sidewalks always give me a wide berth as if I had the plague. 
	Contemplate the stupidity of masks for the remainder of my walk. By the time I return home, have constructed a well-worded complaint for Facebook about the trials of mask-wearing. However, while doing some pre-post scrolling, discover that everyone is griping about masks on Facebook. The complaints range anywhere from bombastic tirades to logical essays to whistle-blowing at government officials’ hypocrisy. 
	Decide not to post my complaint. Instead, write a list of the benefits of wearing masks. Question: Do I get more points in Heaven than the Facebook ranters because I wrote down positive things instead?

1) I look people in the eye more.
2) I'm less self-conscious in public.
3) People seem more beautiful and mysterious.
4) It's less likely that someone will recognize me in public—an introvert’s fear.
5) No one can see my pimples.
6) I feel so free when I come out of a store and tear my mask off.
7) I can make all sorts of funny expressions without people looking strangely at me.
8) I always feel like I'm a spy when I put on my mask, and who wouldn’t want to be a spy?
9) The elastic bands keep my frizzy hair contained.
10) No one can see my children picking their noses.
11) There’s no such thing as an ugly person anymore.
11) Each type of mask seems to say something about a person's personality.
12) I don’t have to cover my mouth when sneezing or do I?
13) Mask-wearing has taught me a small lesson in obedience to rules I don't like.
14) And finally, mask-wearing has taught me to never underestimate the importance of body language. Ha!

Product Idea: Saliva Ejectors. You know, those things the dentists use but for church! So long as the tube is in one’s mouth, people may sing in church to their hearts’ content. Never mind the loud sucking sound. Just turn the music up louder.