Part 6: Chapter 3

In-Person Church

Sunday, June 21, 2020
	You shall not be surprised to hear that Opal gave herself a mullet, I mean a haircut, earlier this week, and then proceeded to give her Barbies mullets too. She does this two days before our church meets back in person for the first time since March. Should’ve predicted that she would do something like this. At least there are masks so we can’t see people’s reactions to her pink mullet with dark brown roots.
	We meet in our thoroughly sanitized and cleaned sanctuary, which smells of sanitizer and bleach. Everyone wears masks. We are spaced far apart and there is no singing or children’s programs. If you want a bulletin, you have to go online and download it.
	Have a thoroughly sour attitude about the entire affair. Our church gatherings in our living room seem more worshipful than this. At least there we can sing. At least there we can be near others. At least there the children can watch Veggie Tales so that they’re not a distraction.
	Shannon has to work and thus can’t attend, and Jacob still has to sign a form at work saying he hasn’t been within six feet of anyone outside his immediate family, so the Belles don’t go either. Not sure how Jacob can sign that form while Cherise interacts with COVID patients regularly. The whole thing feels like a series of contradictions and loopholes.
	In place of singing, the worship pastor teaches us hand motions so we can participate physically if not with our voices. The disappointment of the entire affair brings tears to my eyes in the middle of “His Mercy is More.” 
	Am thankful no one can tell I’m crying, no one except Opal who takes off her mask and stares at me, “Are you crying Mama?” she asks looking at me.
	I nod.
	“Why?”
	Couldn’t explain. Perhaps it would’ve been better if we hadn’t come at all. Wonder if this is what the Israelites felt when they returned from exile to Jerusalem and saw the rebuilt temple. “This is nothing like it used to be!”
	Opal cuddles me and continues to stare. Theo soon joins in the staring. Johnny, whose mask is his pacifier, just stands on the cushioned seat beside Steve and gawks at the instruments and singers. This is all new to him.	
	Partway through the service, the children’s pastor comes up and preaches a short lesson for the children. It’s about caring for others and helping those in need. Am not sure my kids are listening. They are distracted by Johnny and the toys in a tote that I packed for him. When the pastor gives his sermon, it’s the adult's turn to be distracted by Johnny and his toys. Opal grabs a marker and draws a line up her arm. Theo slumps onto the ground and plays with marbles that roll down the natural slope in the laminate floor. He lets the marbles roll nearly out of reach before stopping them. Johnny watches with fascination, ceasing to suck his pacifier at the most suspenseful moments, which also coincide with the moments I’m listening to the pastor the least.