Do you know those moments in the night when the imagination invents terrors that you can’t seem to fight off?
When I was a child, I believed a sinister creature lived under my bed, who would grab my ankles if given the chance. I used to take a running leap into my bed so that those moldy hands couldn’t get me. I was also afraid of seeing glowing eyes at my bedroom window.
Sometimes, when I had enough courage, I’d get a flashlight and look under the bed, or I’d pull back the curtains and dare the eyes to look back at me.
Grown Up Terrors
As we grow older, the night terrors grow too. Instead of monsters from our imagination, we may hear messages whispering the things we fear into our minds.
You’ve messed it all up.
You’ve lost your chance at having the good life.
It’s all your fault.
If only you had done that other thing.
You are to blame.
You had ill intentions.
You are damaged beyond repair.
As adults, we may decide to combat the night terrors like we did when children: distracting ourselves, ignoring them, avoiding them, or telling them they’re just a bunch of lies.
But do any of these methods defeat the monsters? Are the terrors gone the next night? Does this take the power out of the fears? I don’t think it does. The next night, they come again with the same words, demanding another answer, another defense, another explanation.
Fighting the Terrors
The other night, I attempted to fight off these night terrors by repeating the name of Jesus over and over again. This only served to distract me from the terrors and certainly didn’t take the sting out of them. I next considered confronting the messages systematically, as if they were arguments to counter. Like this:
You’ve messed it all up - How could that be if it seemed like God was leading me this way? Besides, God doesn’t mess up.
You’ve lost your chance at having the good life. - That can’t be true because God’s life for me is the best life.
It’s all your fault. - That’s impossible! Other people were factors too.
If only you had done that other thing. - God wasn’t leading that other way.
You are to blame. - How could I be to blame if I was doing what God told me to?
You had ill intentions. - I did the best I could. And God didn’t reveal to me that I was wrong.
You are damaged beyond repair. - Well, this is who I am and if God doesn’t want me this way, he’s welcome to change me.
While this kind of arguing gave my mind a mental activity, it was exhausting. It was dependent upon me proving the messages were lies. I had to make the defense, and that was exhausting.
Befriending the Terrors
Then a friend reminded me that these testing times are opportunities to be cleansed. This helped me shift my approach. What if I stopped seeing the night terrors as lies to fight, but possible truths where the Lord wants to heal, cleanse, and redeem?
What if these night terrors aren’t battlegrounds but washing stations? This means that the terrors aren’t dragons to slay but unknowns to coax out of hiding and into the light, so that I can see exactly what they are and the Holy Spirit can do his transformative work to them.
Seeing night terrors as battlegrounds puts the pressure on us to keep ourselves safe and clean; seeing night terrors as washing stations accepts that the messages may be true, but that Jesus’ power turns even the most horrific things into vehicles for his grace.
Seeing night terrors as battlegrounds requires our reasoning to prove the messages incorrect; seeing the night terrors as washing stations keeps us out of the mental debates. We don’t have to prove the “lies” wrong anymore. In fact, we can accept them as possible truths when we remember that Jesus’ death served as a covering over all the world’s sin.
Seeing night terrors as battlegrounds requires that we re-frame the past to portray ourselves as innocent or guiltless; seeing night terrors as washing stations allows us to release who we were in the past as a work in progress with flaws, just like everyone else. This allows us to be a new person today.
Examples in Action
What might this look like in a practical sense? Here are some examples.
You’ve messed it all up. — That may be true. In fact, I probably did . . . But God is using all my mess ups for His glory and my good. God did the same with the actions of Joseph’s brothers, with Moses’ murder, and David’s marriages.
You’ve lost your chance at having the good life. — I may have lost my chances of having the life I always wanted. True, I will probably never have that . . . but that life probably wouldn’t be the best thing for me. God has deemed this life as His plan to prepare me for my Heavenly life.
It’s all your fault. — I am probably partly to blame . . . but Jesus’ death absolved all that. God doesn’t hold it against me.
If only you had done that other thing. — If I had done that other thing, I would be living with different mistakes and regrets . . . which Christ would still have had to die for.
You are to blame. — Probably I am . . . but Jesus took the weight of that off my shoulders.
You had ill intentions. — Ha ha! Do I ever have good intentions? . . . Jesus had to die for even the intentions I think are just fine.
You are damaged beyond repair. — Indeed I was . . . but this experience is actually working to undo the damage through Christ’s transformational work. Deep brokenness with Christ is followed by new growth.
Instead of trying to fight them, ignore them, or distract ourselves from them, this method accepts that the night terrors may be true. They may be true, but Jesus’ power is still enough to transform such ruins into a livable place for his spirit.
This is a way to invite the creatures out from under the bed so that we may examine their ugliness in the light of Christ. This transforms the beasts into things of beauty through which we give testimony of Christ’s saving power.
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I like this! It's a parable about 1John 1:9.