Middle Schoolers, Spiritual Formation, and God's Providence
the divine set-up
For the last several years, I’ve been a middle school small group leader for my church’s Wednesday night youth program. I’ve eaten way too much pizza, played keep-away at pool parties, hardly slept at camp, and engaged in awkward, random, and sweet conversations with my small groups.
Aside from parenting, there have been very few things that have made me feel totally inept. I was three times their age, totally not cool, and clueless about what they were into. When I was in middle school I had a Tamagotchis pocket pet and wrote fairy tales. What were 2022 eleven-year-olds into?
As time went by I learned that small group leaders aren’t students’ peers, parents, teachers, or buddies. They’re more like mentor friends who love students for who they are and try to facilitate spiritual conversations when the girls just want to play hide-and-seek in the dark.
Despite many misgivings, I knew I was in the right place. This ministry opportunity was a direct answer to my asking God, “God, I want to share with others what you’re teaching me. Who can I share with?” Not long after praying this and quite out of the blue, Devin Fieguth, our church’s middle school pastor, whom I’d spoken to maybe once, randomly asked me to lead a middle school small group. This was not what I had in mind when I had prayed, but to refuse seemed like telling God, “I don’t like your answer, God. Give me another one.”
While this volunteer position allowed me to share what God had been teaching me to the group, I quickly discovered that consistently showing up and showing interest in my small group girls spoke a much greater message than any teacher’s lesson. Remembering my girls’ birthdays, checking in with them about their pets, and asking them how they did on a Math test communicated God’s love much better.
I loved challenging their faith and their Sunday School answers until they were stumped, but I don’t think they appreciated that as much as I did. Sometimes, I would go into lecture mode, and afterward there’d be blank stares and cricket sounds. Sometimes, they’d share a hardship or concern with me, and I’d turn parental. Then they’d clam up, and I would inwardly slap myself on the forehead. I’d get so worried about saying the right thing, about giving them that special bit of wisdom, that I often missed the chance to be with them and love them like the Holy Spirit was leading. But I was learning . . . slowly . . . learning.
One day Phil and I had a couple from our church over for a dog roast. That dinner conversation prompted me to start a spiritual formation group with my peers. I’d had a group like this several years ago, where we confidentially shared concerns and hurts, but that group had no place to speak truth into each other’s lives. We didn’t want to be cliché or pedantic or annoying, so we left that part out. I wanted to add that element, but I had no idea how.
As I was ironing out the logistics for this new group, I joined up with our church’s Bible Study ladies to help me get started. While proposing the idea to these ladies, Linda Shwartz, one of the Bible Study leaders, gave me a book on spiritual formation. “I think this is what you’re trying to do,” she told me. After reading that book, I realized she was right. Yes, spiritual formation was exactly what I was trying to do. Not long after that, who should walk into my fellowship group one Sunday morning, but Judy and Gene TenElshof. Judy was one of the founders of the Institute of Spiritual Formation from Biola University, but I didn’t know this at the time. After briefly connecting with her, I felt nudged to invite her to be a part of my group.
Do you see how the Lord was working? This felt like those divine appointments Robert Seelye used to talk about all the time. There I was trying to be a small group leader to middle students while the Lord was training me in spiritual formation with my peers. I’m sure this all translates into parenting as well, especially as I now have two kids in middle school, but those lessons are still underway.
This summer, I decided to step down from my Middle School Ministry responsibilities. Next fall, I’ll be homeschooling all three kids and will need an evening away from them to catch my breath and check in with my husband. I will miss my now high school gals immensely. I love it when they wave at me across the courtyard and say, “Hi, Miss Abby.” I love it when they run up to tell me a bit of news from their lives. I love it when they invite me to their dances and plays and cheer competitions. That is special.
I’m not so sure what they learned from me, but I know the Lord taught me gads through them. As one ministry ends, God begins something new. I’m looking forward to seeing what’s ahead.
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Thanks for sharing how God has been leading in your ministry