Interesting People on our Cruise

to Cabo San Lucas, Mazatlan, and Puerto Vallarta

I was waiting for the ice skating show to begin while on our recent Royal Caribbean Cruise. Yes, the ship had an ice skating rink.

The rest of my family was out of earshot because I was a few seats away, saving seats for Grandma and Grandpa. While waiting for the show to begin, I overheard the conversation of the two men sitting behind me. They were talking about other cruises they’d been on and what shows they’d enjoyed. They discussed how one performance was like a game show. A host named various items that two teams then raced to display or produce. The items included things like underclothing, piercings, and “a set of twins.” The two men chuckled as they recalled what was shown for these prompts.

“See, that’s good stuff,” one of them said. “Just encouraging the debauchery.”

I began to feel slightly sick. From there, they diverged to discussing a couple seated elsewhere in the audience.

“There’s that guy again,” one man said. “See, he’s still glaring at us.”

“He’s so insecure,” the other said. “Some guys think they’ve got it all. In reality, they’re oblivious.”

“She doesn’t even look that into him,” the first one continued.

“Look. They’re moving seats now. Oh, they’re going to the house seats.”

“He hates us.”

I tried to spot whoever they were talking about, but I couldn’t see anyone. They made various comments about the woman and her appearance, and then, I’d had enough. I turned around and looked the men over. They were probably in their forties and were dressed for the beach with lightly colored hair and square-rimmed glasses.

They stopped talking and looked down at me.

“Hello,” I said. “I’m a writer and have just been overhearing your fascinating conversation. I just wanted to look at the faces to match the material I’m hearing.”

They chuckled nervously. “I hope we didn’t say anything incriminating.”

“Oh, don’t worry. My children are downaways and didn’t hear any of it.”

They chucked again and looked at each other. “I don’t usually get embarrassed about stuff, but I think I’m turning red,” one of them said. This may have been true.

I laughed. “Carry on,” I said and turned back around.

They did not carry on. Well, they tried and then fell silent. I suppose all the wind had gone out of their sails. I’ll have to remember this tactic if such a thing happens again.

The ice skating show was phenomenal, by the way. I was flabbergasted by how many tricks the skilled skaters performed in such a tiny space. They did back flips and jump spins and bapanced on each other’s heads. They came so close to the rink edge that they gave the audience high-fives. They had elegant bits and jazzy bits and weird bits and different outfits to match each segment. My family and I probably enjoyed it far more than the two guys sitting behind me did.

As you can imagine, I wasn’t the only people watcher on the ship. Once, I was waiting for Phil to have a turn on the Flowrider. The Flowrider is a surfing simulator created by a powerful jet of water shot out over a sloped rubber trampoline. Phil and I both had chances to boogie board and enjoyed ourselves immensely.

At the end of the Flowrider was a sweep of benches for spectators. I was seated on one of these benches, observing people, and oohing and awing with the other spectators whenever a Flowrider wiped out. Some time into the waiting, I noticed two men sitting beside each other with iridescent aviators. They had lightly colored hair and looked like they were ready for a stroll on a beach with their colorful alcoholic drinks in hand.

For a moment, I thought they might be my embarrassed characters from the theater because they were staring at me and whispering to each other. Actually, they were probably speaking in normal tones because no one could hear them over the roar of the Flowrider. I watched as they stared at other people as well, seeming to comment about various people coming and going.

When Phil’s turn came, I moved seats to get a better view, and, in doing so, I had the opportunity to ask the two guys if they were the ones who’d been sitting behind me at the theater. They gave me blank looks and denied being such people. They did, however, admit to being adamant people watchers, which was verbally confirmed by the man who was sitting just in front of them.

Phil did great on the Flowrider. We both learned how to kneel, spin, leap down the slope, and do little jumps. The Royal Caribbean’s staff were proficient at hand motions and whistling to communicate with us while we boarded. They were so patient teaching newbies and pushing us to do different tricks. By the end of the trip, they even convinced me to try surfing on the stand-up boards. I did it for about 5 minutes before rethinking my decision.

The list of interesting people included a few morbidly obese men who wore the same outfit every day, and, not surprisingly, needed to change more and more as the days progressed. We mostly saw them in the Windjammer Buffet Restaurant. One of the fellow’s suspenders seemed to be growing looser as the days went by, lowering his shorts further and further down his middle until they dangled well below his shirt in the back. It was impossible to keep my children from staring, although my daughter did hiss at her brothers whenever she caught them gaping.

On the last day, I spotted one of the huge men in a clean shirt. I don’t know about the other one, but I’m glad those two had each other.

There were, of course, plenty of wholesome people, bikini-clad chicks, gelatinous swimmers, lobster-red cases, tattooed muscle-men, and retired old folks. At the pool, I watched one older couple set up their felt-lined backgammon case in the corner. Towards the end of the game, the Asian gentleman said to the fair-skinned woman, “I don’t know how you don’t see it. You just have to think ahead!”

At the poolside, we saw enough human flesh to disenchant us for life. There was one lady who was obviously clueless about what was hanging out of her bikini. I wish I’d let her know. Who knows? Maybe she would’ve appreciated the info.

If I’m listing interesting people on our cruise, I must include ourselves. I suspect having children who think outside the box made us the most interesting for others to watch.