Funny Things My Kids Have Said

that made me laugh out loud

We were listening to a Redwall book by Brian Jacques on the way to school. My oldest was in the front seat. His siblings were in the back. Brian Jacques’ books feature little critters who have battles, solve riddles, and eat delicious food. In this particular story, a thief hedgehog has been expelled from Redwall Abbey and is finding life outside the Abbey difficult. Magpies steal his knapsack of food and he is left hungry. Then he has a run-in with a bank vole who refuses to share his soup with the hungry hedgehog. The hedgehog is contemplating revenge when he overhears two vermin planning to clobber the bank vole and steal his watercress shrimp soup. The hedgehog considers what to do.

“What would you do if you were the hedgehog?” I asked my almost thirteen-year-old son, Lee.

“I would stop those vermin and save the bank vole,” Lee replied.

“Even though the bank vole refused to share his soup with you?” I inquired.

“Yes,” he said. “Then, when I rescued him, he’d be so thankful and share with me.”

I then asked the same question to my eleven-year-old daughter, Rose. “Would you save that rude bank vole from the vermin?”

She clicked her tongue. “I wouldn’t have been expelled outside Redwall Abbey in the first place!”

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We were stopped at a red light when Rose told me, “Pull up more, Mama.”

“Why?” I asked.

“I don’t think that man next to us has his seatbelt on. Pull up so, I can see.”

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My six-year-old came home from a morning out. He put down his bag and sighed deeply. “Now I can write my numbers up to a hundred,” he said and grabbed his pencil to begin.

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My six-year-old used his money to buy some sweets at a grocery store. When he came home he showed me the receipt the store cashier had given him.

“Look, Mama,” he said. “I now have one of these.”

“You do,” I replied.

“What do they mean?” he asked.

I had to think for a second. “They mean you bought something.”

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My 6-year-old asked me, “Will I start crying if I look at these for too long?”

I looked over. He was pointing at an onion.

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I have a list of questions to ask kids after school. The other day, I tried one with my now 13-year-old. “Lee, if an alien spaceship came to your classroom and beamed someone up, who would you want them to take?”

“Would that person die?” Lee asked.

“No,” I replied.

“Would they be able to breathe?”

“Yes. The aliens would just take that person to their planet,” I explained.

“Does their planet have food?”

“Alien food, yes,” I said.

“Do the aliens speak English?”

“No.”

“Then I’d choose me. I’d want them to take me!”

I burst into laughter.

Lee stared at me, blank-faced. “What’s so funny?” he asked.

“You answered that question differently than I thought you would,” I said.

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