By Faith Parents…
how we might act with confidence and humility
On a walk with my pilot friend the other morning, I was reminded of something she once told me about professional pilots. She said commercial pilots tend to have big egos and treat others beneath themselves. A nurse friend of mine used to tell me the same about doctors. I’m sure it’s not true of all commercial pilots and doctors, but it’s true enough to be noteworthy.
I wonder. Is this true because doctors and pilots make serious life-and-death executive decisions? Maybe the serious nature of their jobs prompts them to feel like they have to be confident. They have to make their patients, nurses, co-pilots, crew, and passengers go along with their plans. They can’t have people doubting them.
“Uh doctor, I don’t think you should cut there.”
“Uh pilot, I think you made a wrong turn.”
Pilots and doctors can’t take a poll or hold an election about what they ought to do. They need to know they’re making the best decisions. They need to know that they’re the most qualified for this job. Maybe that’s why they have an ego thing. Maybe they feel like they must know better than anyone else because if other people knew better, others should be the pilots and doctors. Plus, if other people second-guessed them, they might second-guess themselves as well. And you know what happens when we second guess ourselves?
I know what I do when I second-guess myself about parenting. I make stupid mistakes. I become gullible and easy prey for my children’s tricks. I fail to do what I need to do. I stall. Like an airplane. In fact, when I was training to be a pilot, I remember psyching myself up to fly solos. Flying has an element of danger; I was taking my life into my own hands. I would tell myself, “You know how to do this. You just need to do it.” I had to build up my confidence in my planning and decision-making. I was confident that I knew how to fly a Cessna.
The only area where I wasn’t confident was in the radio communication. That part terrified me. It was like speaking a different language. I was so afraid of misunderstanding the tower or that I wouldn’t say the right thing back. The fear of using the wrong verbiage resulted in my doing just that.
But I digress. Back to egos, pilots, and doctors.
Maybe pilots and doctors tend to have big egos so that they are confident in their jobs. Perhaps they think this is the only way they can have confidence. Unfortunately, believing in ourselves like this also results in some major character flaws. Arrogance, inflexibility, an inability to take correction or listen to input, and a lack of empathy for others.
This reminds me of parenthood. If I believe I’ve done the best thing for my children, say, in making them a healthy meal, then I have no tolerance for complaining. I’m sure I made the right decision. How could they not agree? “Too bad. So sad. Deal with it, kid! You don’t like what’s good for you? Well, that’s your problem.”
If I’m not confident about a choice that I’ve made, say in forbidding media for the rest of the day, my kids sense it and capitalize on my weakness to get their way. The older one makes frontal verbal assaults. The middle child tries manipulation. If they were smart, they’d team up on me.
How can a parent be confident without being prideful? How can a parent be unsure about a decision but not fall prey to other’s harebrained ideas? Is it even possible?
I think this is where faith comes in. Without faith, we have to believe in ourselves and our own right decisions. With faith, we believe that God is working through our choices whether they’re right or not.
By faith, a doctor could make an executive decision to cut out a tumor and risk nerve damage to the patient. By faith, he believes not in the rightness of his own decision or good intentions, but that the Lord will redeem this choice, purify his heart, and bring about God’s kingdom through this operation even if nerve damage occurs.
By faith, a pilot could decide to make an emergency landing even though he’s not sure it’s necessary. By faith, he believes not in the rightness of his own decision or the purity of his own heart, but that the Lord will redeem his work, purify his motives, and bring about God‘s kingdom through this premature landing even if this decision costs his company money and disrupts his passengers’ schedules.
By faith, parents can make an executive decision for their children. They can decide who needs a spanking, how long a child should work on homework, and how many extra-curricular activities to enroll their children in. The parents don’t believe in the rightness of their own decisions and motives, but that the Lord is working through them, will purify their motives, and redeem their decisions and their effects upon their children. The parents’ decision may cause suffering and discomfort, but they believe that part of God’s plan is that He works His good through all our foolish, fearful, or over-confident choices.
Now, I hear what you’re saying. Aren’t some of our choices obviously in line with God’s ways? Nope. Our actions may seem good, but no human alive can purify his or her own heart.
See, it’s not just some of our choices that need God’s redeeming work. It’s all of our choices. It’s not that some choices we make with good motives and some we make with impure motives. All of our choices need redeeming. Even when I think I’m doing the best thing for my children, I still need Christ to redeem that decision and my heart.
The arrogant say, “I actually think my choices are God‘s will.”
The humble say, “I actually think God can use these choices I’m making to bring about God’s good.”
The proud believe in their good intentions. The humble believe in God‘s good intentions through us.
The proud say, “I know God‘s best for your life and I’m helping make that happen by these executive decisions.”
The humble say, “I know God is working out his plan for you and somehow he is using me in that.”
With faith, there is no room for pride. How can anyone be prideful and arrogant knowing God’s son had to die for all the intentions of our hearts and all the choices that we make?
Knowing this fortifies us for the complaints, criticisms, and advice that others might give about how we did our job. If my kids say, “You weren’t fair,” by faith, I can say, “You may be right. Would you mind showing me how that seemed unfair to you?”
If a pilot made an unnecessary forced landing, and his boss says, “You didn’t need to make that emergency landing. You cost the company thousands of dollars!” The pilot can reply, “You’re right. I’m sorry. I take full responsibility for this over-cautious error. Do what you think is best to me.”
A patient may say to his doctor, “You caused me nerve damage!” And the doctor may reply, “I’m sorry it turned out that way. I was hoping it wouldn’t. I did what I thought was best, but God must have something better in mind.”
By faith, we can become like a child again. “Was that the right way, Lord? Show me Your ways. I want to learn.”
Follow-Up Questions
What’s a choice you’ve made recently that you were confident about? Did Christ need to die on the cross to redeem that choice? How does that change how you view your choice?
What’s a choice that you made recently that you weren’t confident about? Did Christ need to die on the cross to redeem that choice? How does that change how you view your choice?
To read more blogs about making choices, click the links below.
Yes, we trust in the guidance of the Holy Spirit.
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