A Game of Hide-and-Seek
To illustrate submission
I’ve been learning so much lately. The most recent discovery involves submitting to one another. Here’s an analogy to explain it.
An Analogy
Let’s say a group of children decide to play Hide-and-Seek, and the leader of the game, whose name is Todd and whose house the children are playing at, says, “Okay everyone, I’ll be ‘it’ first. Let’s make the boundaries my backyard. Ready, go!”
They play several rounds, but before long, the children realize that Leader Todd’s backyard is too small for a really good game of Hide-and-Seek. There are limited hiding places. So the children tell Leader Todd, “Let’s include the alley behind your backyard in our game.”
However, Leader Todd isn’t so sure about this idea. His parents let him play in the alley, but that’s because they taught him about cars and neighbor’s garbage cans and barking dogs. He’s not so sure it’s a good place for all his friends, especially the Little Kids.
So Leader Todd says, “I don’t think that’s a good idea. You don’t know how to play in the alley. It’s not as safe as my backyard. Besides, I heard you tell your parents inside that you’re going into the backyard to play. You didn’t say you were going into the alley. If we went in the alley, you’d be disobeying.”
The Big Kids answer, “My parents don’t mind if I go in the alley.”
“Neither do mine,” another chimes in.
One child seems uncertain and another, Little Timmy by name, says, “Oh! My parents told me criminals hang out in alleys.”
“There are no criminals in the alley, Little Timmy,” a Big Kid protests.
“You can’t make me go back there!” Little Timmy cries with a frightened expression.
“See!” Leader Todd says. “Little Timmy doesn’t want to go back there, so we shouldn’t play in the alley.”
Let’s pretend none of the children thinks to ask their parents what the alley rules are. Maybe the parents are having a fancy dinner party and the children don’t want to disturb them. The children then have several options. The Big Kids could insist the Little Kids play in the alley by bullying or shaming or mocking them. Or the Big Kids could give up their freedom out of respect for Leader Todd’s convictions and/or out of compassion for the Little Kids feelings.
If the Big Kids have compassion and understanding, they may choose to give up their freedom out of love for Todd and Timmy. The Big Kids will have valued Todd’s convictions and the Little Kid’s feelings more than their own freedom to have fun. By doing this the Big Kids follow Christ’s example. They give up their freedom out of love for others
This is a new concept to me: submission out of respect for other’s convictions and out of compassion for other’s fears. I had always thought that submission only had to do with obeying authority, but now I’m seeing how it can be more than that. How marvelous! Submitting out of God’s abundant love fills us with Christ’s peace and joy and an untouchable freedom.
But let’s continue the analogy because I’ve discovered there’s a dark side to submission too.
Let’s say Leader Todd sees the Little Kids growing nervous. Little Timmy begins to cry. The Big Kids look at Timmy with disgust. So Leader Todd stands up to the Big Kids, “This is my house, and I say you aren’t allowed to play in the alley!”
The Big Kids protest. “You aren’t the boss of me!” “You can’t tell us what to do!” “You don’t know what’s best for me!” “My parents have different rules!”
Leader Todd replies, “If you don’t like it, you can leave. But those are my parent’s rules!”
The Big Kids begin bickering and whispering about how bossy and controlling Leader Todd is. But Frightened Timmy and the other Little Kids, who hate arguing and upsetting people, don’t join in the gossip. In fact, they suspect Leader Todd is right. This is Todd’s house after all. Doesn’t that mean Todd knows what’s best for them? Shouldn’t they follow Todd’s rules?
Todd sees the Little Kids standing by themselves, vulnerable and uncertain. He feels for them. So he comes to the rescue. “Come with me, you Little Kids! These Big Kids don’t care about you. I can protect you! I’ll tell you what’s safe and what’s not. I know what’s best because this is my house!” And off Todd goes with the Little Kids.
The Littles realize that Todd isn’t going to make them play in the alley. Todd won’t make them ask their parents either. Phew! They’re relieved. The very idea of going inside and asking their parents in front of a room full of people! They don’t want to do that. Todd will look out for them. They breathe a sigh of relief. They feel safe.
As far as children go, Todd is doing a better job at taking care of the Littles than the Big Kids are. The Big Kids didn’t seem to value the Littles feelings or help them feel safe. Leader Todd did. Leader Todd seems the most capable of looking after them so the Littles are relieved to submit to Leader Todd.
However, has Leader Todd really done what’s best for the Littles? He may have relieved their fears, but is that what’s best for them in the long run? Is Todd preparing them best for Heaven? Has Leader Todd helped the Littles have courage, practice discernment, discover their parent’s wishes for them, or stick to their convictions in the face of persecution? Todd hasn’t. He has swept in and rescued without considering the Littles eternal character growth.
The Littles are now in an even more vulnerable state than before. Not only do they feel indebted to Todd for saving them, but they are also at the mercy of his leadership. If Todd should turn into a tyrant, the Little Kids are less able to discern what’s best for themselves or stand up to bullies. Todd, by rescuing them, has also probably reinforced some subtle lies that their personalities are particularly susceptible to: that they can’t decide for themselves, that bad things will happen to them if they go in the alley, and that if they don’t obey Todd, they will be shamed and unloved. The Littles may even believe that Todd knows what’s best for them even better than they or their parents do. In rescuing them, Todd has saved them from momentary distress at the cost of reinforcing lies and robbing them of a chance to grow in character.
It goes deeper still. Leader Todd has missed his own opportunity to grow too. Instead of using self-control by refraining from telling the Little Kids what to do, Leader Todd has taken advantage of their freewill by leading them out of an uncomfortable situation in the quickest way possible. Leader Todd has lost the opportunity to grow his self-control, long-suffering, and patience, which he might’ve done had he lead like Christ and taught the Little Kids how to do what’s best.
And what is best for the Littles? The Bible tells us.
First and foremost, Leader Todd could’ve helped those Little Kids have courage to ask their parents’ permission to play in the alley. Maybe the Little Kids were afraid of their parents’ anger at interrupting their dinner party. Maybe the Little Kids hate adults staring at them. Maybe they hate making the Big Kids wait for them. Whatever the case, Leader Todd doesn’t share these fears, and so Todd can help the Little Kids ask their parents.
If the Little Kids’ parents say, “Yes, the alley is okay,” then leader Todd can teach the Little Kids about cars and neighbor’s bins and barking dogs so that the Little Kids understand the ways of the alley. If the Little Kids’ parents say, “Nope, my Little One is not ready for that,” then Todd could uphold those parents’ wishes and stand up to the Big Kids who might shame or pressure the Little Kids into disobeying. If Todd sought out the parents’ will, he could appeal to the parents’ authority to decide what is best for the Little Kid.
Do you see the correlations to real life?
It is the same with parents and anyone in leadership. Instead of rushing in to rescue, instead of overriding people’s chance to discern what’s right, instead of just telling people what we think they ought to do (which let me tell you is very tempting to do as a parent), those in leadership can honor and respect Littles’ freewill so they may grow. Leaders can usher Little Kids into our Heavenly Father’s presence to discover His will for them. May we play in the alley? Are we old enough for that? And Leaders can help the Little Ones follow God’s marching orders without fear of any freedom-seeking Big Kids shaming or bullying them.
I like your analogy!