Take women gladiators, for example. I had no idea there were women gladiators, but according to John Malam’s book You Wouldn’t Want to Be a Roman Gladiator, there were. Such anomalies were rare, but they prove the existence of several realities in the ancient Roman world.

1. There were ideals.

2. There were social norms.

3. And there were exceptions to the social norms.

We learn about Roman ideals through reading their laws and philosophers. We learn about social norms and exceptions through archaeology and written records. Through these sources, we gain a general understanding of what the Romans wished their women to be like, what most Roman women were like, and the exceptions. The ideal woman wasn’t a gladiator. Most women weren’t gladiators. After reading about a gladiator’s life, I don’t see how any woman ever got to be one, but I guess some were. They were probably very scary ladies.

Here’s another factoid. Women and slaves were usually in charge of bathing the family members and doing the laundry. This wasn’t something Roman leaders did. It was low-down work. However, to usher in the kingdom of heaven, Jesus washed His disciples’ feet as an example of how they were to serve one another. Paul, too, describes Christ’s work for us as a washing and cleansing of water in Ephesians 5:26-27. Washing others’ feet or clothes wasn’t an occupation for any leader of a kingdom in that culture.

Were Paul and Jesus giving a Christian ideal? Were Paul and Jesus merely saying that most Christians ought to do servants’ work? Or was this an exception to normal Christian behavior?

I think none of the above.

I don’t think Paul and Jesus were assigning Christian occupations, but rather, were demonstrating that whatever we do, we do in humble service to wash one another in preparation for Christ’s Kingdom.

I don’t think Jesus and Paul were encouraging Christian Roman leaders to give up their jobs and become washerwomen. Nor do I think Jesus and Paul were encouraging slaves and women to stop literally washing feet. Rather, I think they were encouraging Christians to do their current occupation as a way of preparing one another for being a washed bride of Christ. Sure, some people would leave their day job to do a completely different line of work, but not all.

Paul and Jesus use the same sort of metaphorical language when describing the Christ-life in terms of fighting and racing—both first-century male activities. Paul uses this language to describe the Christian life in 1 and 2 Timothy. Jesus uses the language of gouging and chopping body parts in Matthew 6 to describe how all Christians are to cut out sin. Paul and Jesus aren’t saying that all Christians must become fighters or athletes. Neither were they ignoring the fact that there may be a rare woman-gladiator or two. Rather, they were saying that in whatever we do, we are to cut out sin because all followers of Christ fight a spiritual battle.

These metaphors weren’t meant to assign vocations in society. Paul and Jesus weren’t telling Roman leaders to become slaves, although a few did. Nor were they telling Roman women to become gladiators, even though a rare few existed. Rather, Paul and Jesus were using metaphorical language about their actual society to help real 1st-century Christians follow Christ.

Through understanding how Paul and Jesus used these metaphors, we can understand how God’s word is applicable even in twenty-first century America where men and women serve in government, the military, at laundrymats, and as caretakers. By proving God’s word is applicable to all people, no matter their gender or social standing, we present the Word Made Flesh for our time and culture.

Like Paul says in 1 Corinthians 7:20-24 (NIV)

To read more like this, click a link below.

If You Do Not Love

He Will Rule Over You

Women Take Over Argument

Posts on the Gender Debate

I want my children to do right 
more than my children do, or so it seems.
So I insist before the time is ripe,
"Fix this! Hurry up! Apologize!
Waiting is aggrivating," I gripe.

But my insisting prevents their reflecting,
and life continuing as it was, not that it should.
We can never continue as we were.
To grow we must break. Be torn up, trimmed.
Life, then, is different. Shall we be different?

But I don't like it. The dust-bound part of me shrinks
from curious faith. Will they ever do this?
I thought parenting meant motivating my nestlings to fly.
But maybe it's more like seeking God’s movement. 
I flap my wings, holding space. God works.

To read more like this, click a link below.

Dethroning Perfectionism

God's Arrangement

What Good is Faith

Win

This style achieves a goal at any cost. It makes others losers. Win is a good conflict style to use when something must get done, regardless of whether others are involved or agree. Here is an example of when both the parent and child might try to win.

Parent: Let’s complete your writing assignment.
Child: I wanna do it on the couch.
Parent: No, your brother is playing there. Let’s work at the kitchen table. 
Child: He can just move.
Parent: No, let’s stay over here so we aren’t distracted by your brother playing. 
Child: I wanna be on the couch! 
Parent: No, I'm not going to the couch.
Child plops onto the couch and spreads out.
Parent: Come over here. We're not going on the couch. I'm not going over there.
Child begins antagonizing little brother so he can have the couch to himself. 
Parent: Stop bugging your brother. He was there first! If you don't come to the kitchen table now, I won't work with you on your reading assignment.
Child: Fine! I didn't want to do my assignment anyway!
Parent: Then you're not going to earn your media time today.
Child: I'll just watch everyone else's media then.
Parent: That's not an option. You will have to finish this assignment before you do anything else, whether you like it or not, buddy boy! And if you want to keep talking to me like that, we'll take away your outing tomorrow too!
Child: You can take away everything. It doesn't matter. I'm never doing this assignment!

Commentary

Neither the parent nor the child was willing to budge. Both attempted to get what they wanted through various means—threats, physical force, coercion, foretelling doom, and power plays. Neither the parent nor the child was open to hearing the other’s point of view or to working together to find a solution.

Yield

This style gives in to the other to end a conflict. This style might be good to use when the matter isn’t important to you. However, yield often takes the blame and allows oneself to be the loser. They often neglect themselves and value how others feel over what’s important to them or to God. Here’s an example of that.

Child: I don't want to read this assignment. It's too long. 
Child throws down book.
Parent: Does this feel too long to you? Yes, I see it's ten pages. That might seem like a lot to you.
Child: It's impossible! I can't do it!
Parent: Well, maybe I assigned you too much. Didn't I?
Child: You did!
Parent: How much do you want to read?
Child: I don't want to read any of it!
Parent: How about I read the first page and you read the second.
Child: You can read it all, but I don't want to read it.
Parent: Okay, sweetie. I can see you're overwhelmed. That's my fault for assigning you ten pages. Ten pages seems like too much for you. How about you go play and we try another time?
Child happily runs off to play.

Commentary

While ten pages might be too much for a first grader, let’s pretend it isn’t too much for this child. In this case, the parent is blaming themselves and apologizing because the child doesn’t want to do the reading. Then the mom allows the child to go play, which means the mom is responsible for seeing that the child does the reading assignment at another time. The parents’ desire to help the child feel good has allowed the child to miss learning several important things: how to handle their own emotions, how to break down a big project into bite-sized pieces, how to have courage and endurance, etc.

Withdraw

This way of dealing with conflict is to abdicate one’s position and leave. It avoids the conflict physically and/or verbally. This might be a good option if one’s safety is in jeopardy. However, it often assumes an “I don’t care,” or “That’s your problem,” or “I’m not willing to work with you” attitude. Here’s an example of this.

Child: Mama, can I make cookies.
Parent: Cookies? Uh, maybe. What kind?
Child: Chocolate chip. Please! Please! We have all the ingredients. I can make them and we can have them for dessert after lunch.
Parent: Uh, well, I have to make lunch soon and I need the kitchen, so it's best if we don't both work in the kitchen at the same time.
Child: But I'll stay out of your way. I'll take all the ingredients and use the kitchen table. I won't get in your way. I promise!
Parent: No, I don't think it'll work out today.
Child: Why! Mommyyyyyy!
Parent: I told you why. It's not going to work.
Child: What about if I make lunch too? Then you won't have to be in the kitchen.
Parent: I don't think so.
Child: But you didn't tell me why!
Parent: I did. 
Child: But I can make lunch. Mommy! You never let me do anything. Why can't I? I can make the lunch. I can make Quesadillas and then you won't have to work. You can go and sit and write and put your feet up. I'll even make you tea. Doesn't a cup of tea sound nice! Please, Mama. Please, please, please.
Parent: Ugh. Fine. Whatever. Make Lunch.
Child: Thank you! Thank you.
Child gives parent an unwanted hug, and Mom withdraws from the kitchen, determined to give the child the silent treatment when the kitchen is left a mess.

Commentary:

Let’s assume that in this case, the child characteristically doesn’t clean up after herself, resulting in more work for Mom. By withdrawing, the mom gives the daughter full kitchen rights, which she is not old enough to handle. Mom gives up the cleanliness of the kitchen, her plans to use up leftovers, and the health of her daughter, who she knows will spoil her lunch, snacking on cookie dough. Mom decides those things aren’t important when they actually are.

Compromise

This style understands that we need to give to get. They approach conflict like a marketplace. I give up something, you give up something, and we both get part of what we want. For example, I get my kids to take an exercise walk with me, and then I give in to their requests to get donuts. My children sit through a long church service, and since they did this at my request, I give in to their request for a McDonald’s Happy Meal. I let them have a friend over, and then I expect them to do a few extra chores.

Commentary: The trouble with parenting like this in most cases is that it puts equal value on all our desires. Donuts become the money parents use to get their kids to do good things. Or worse, donuts become the way the parents get their kids to exercise. The goodness of exercise, or sitting in church, or doing chores is lost because the child sees this as a transaction of sorts.

Collaborate

The final method is Collaborate. Collaborative people work together to dig into a problem, to understand one another, and to value each other’s needs and desires as much as they value themselves. Collaboration approaches people with openness instead of pride or defensiveness. Here’s an example.

Parent: What do you think about having a picnic outside?
Child: Oh! Yes! Let's have a picnic! I want to eat lunch in my hammock. 
Parent: Hmm... I think that might be messy.
Child: Oh! But I really want to. I would like to swing while I eat.
Parent: Yes, swinging in your hammock is fun. But I'm concerned you might drop your sandwich while you're swinging. It's difficult to hold onto your hammock and hold onto your sandwich at the same time. I made your sandwich, and I would not like you to drop it and spoil it.
Child: I can hold on to my sandwich really tight.
Parent: Is it really important to you to eat your sandwich while swinging in your hammock? What if you ate other parts of your lunch in the hammock instead of your sandwich?
Child: What if I ate my apples in the hammock?
Parent: I like that idea better. If you drop your apples, those are easy to wash off.
Child: Yes.
Parent: Let's do that then.
Child: Yeah!

Commentary: Collaborative people aren’t merely looking out for number one. Rather, they want to find out what’s important to the other person and think through ways that that might be obtained. They’re able to do this because they don’t feel threatened or afraid of another person’s perspective. They have come to see other people’s differing opinions and ideas as a catalyst for growth instead of a threat to one’s own way of life.

Adapted by Judy TenElshof and Abigail Stevens from Christian PREP

Thanks for reading! To read more on this topic, click a link below.

Parenting Curriculum

Can I Get Some Respect Around Here

By Faith Parents...

Humor me as I work out various aspects of shame.

If shame is our distress when we believe we’ve done something wrong, and if we believe we were born in sin, that is, born not at all right with God, then we have everything to be ashamed of—all our thoughts, feelings, hopes, dreams, desires, etc. Unless we can defend a thought or feeling as being of God and not the flesh, we have quite a lot to be ashamed of. This could result in some very defensive and probably rather delusional Christians. Although I’m not sure that they can be called Christians if they believe they must defend themselves like this.

However, if being born in sin means we were born incomplete, then we don’t need to be ashamed of being incomplete so long as we’re on the journey towards completion in Christ. Perhaps another way of saying this is if we’re on the Way to the Celestial City, any trouble we meet is nothing to be ashamed of; trouble is merely what’s to be expected on a dangerous journey following Christ.

If this is still unclear, here’s a blog I wrote on this subject that includes a look at scripture. (You’ll need to become a paid subscriber to read to the end.)

Are Children Born Sinners

Shame of the Flesh

So how does this alter how we view shame? I think it means that there are two kinds of shame: shame in the flesh and shame of the Spirit.

Shame in the flesh is what we feel when we believe we’ve messed everything up and it’s all our fault because there’s nothing good in us. It’s how we experience our sin without faith. I think it correlates to how we traditionally view what Adam and Eve did, the resulting “curse”, and their exile from the Garden of Eden.

• Fleshly shame hides itself. (Gen. 3:8)

• Fleshly shame focuses on our own inadequacy. (Gen. 3:10)

• Fleshly shame is afraid of God and thus often mad at Him too. (Gen. 3:10)

• Fleshly shame sees God’s gifts as a problem. (Gen. 3:12)

• Fleshly shame blames others. (Gen. 3:13)

• Fleshly shame sees pain as a curse. (Gen. 3:14-19)

• Fleshly shame believes we have to pay for our sins. (Gen. 4:1 maybe?)

Here’s another example of shame in the flesh in relation to parenting.

• When my kids misbehave, Fleshly Shame hides my own part in the conflict. I can’t properly see my own contribution to the problem.

• When my kids misbehave, Fleshly Shame focuses on how I don’t have enough to parent my kids properly. “No one taught me how to do this stuff!” “I need a nanny.” “I need a bigger home.” “I don’t have what it takes!”

• When my kids misbehave, Fleshly Shame fears that God is disappointed with me.

• When my kids misbehave, Fleshly Shame sees their behavior as a problem rather than an opportunity for blessing.

• When my kids misbehave, Fleshly Shame blames them for not knowing how to behave properly.

• When my kids misbehave, Fleshly Shame sees their misbehavior as a curse to my otherwise pleasant day.

• When my kids misbehave, Fleshly Shame leads me to believe I have to make them pay for it.

For more on how the curse might not be such a curse after all, click the link below.

The Symbolism of the Curse

Shame of the Spirit

Shame, according to the Spirit, is different. It begins with the same feelings, but through the Holy Spirit, it points a person in the opposite direction. Instead of running to self, a person runs to Christ.

• Shame of the Spirit confesses what we did wrong. (1 John 1:8-2:2)

• Shame of the Spirit understands that we are in the process of transforming into a child of God, but we’re not finished yet. We are working out our salvation through Christ. (Phil. 2:12)

• This shame goes to God for comfort, justice, and peace. (2 Cor. 1:3-6)

• This shame sees others’ and our own mistakes as a means by which we might find God’s ultimate solutions. (Romans 5:13-20)

• This shame takes responsibility for our part in a conflict. (Matt 5:27-30)

• This shame sees pain, conflict, and trouble as a kind of baptism that teaches us how to have faith. (James 1:2-5)

• This shame remembers that Jesus paid it all on the cross; therefore, we can make things right with our neighbors. (Matthew 5:23-24)

Here’s another example of this Spirit-led shame regarding the women-in-leadership issue.

• Shame of the Spirit confesses our part in the continuance of the no-women-in-leadership conflict.

• Shame of the Spirit understands that no leader, congregant, or leadership system is finished. We are all a work in progress.

• Shame of the Spirit goes to God to find value, comfort, love, truth, clarity, justice, control, and respect.

• Shame of the Spirit sees others’ strong views on this subject as well as our own as a means by which we might find God’s ultimate solution in living together according to Christ’s ways.

• Shame of the Spirit takes responsibility for what has been put under our authority by God Himself.

• Shame of the Spirit sees church pain, conflict, and trouble as a kind of baptism that grows our faith.

• Shame of the Spirit remembers that Jesus paid it all on the cross; therefore, we can hear another’s perspective, care for another’s point of view, and be a servant even to those who believe we have evil intentions, are power hungry, or acting according to fleshly shame.

Conclusion

Now that I’ve written all that, I’ve decided I don’t like the term “shame of the Spirit.” I think I’d rather call it the Spirit’s Conviction.

Thanks for joining me on this brief examination of shame. If you enjoyed this piece, consider becoming a paid subscriber and supporting my work.

To read more like this, click a link below.

A Father and Mother's Wisdom

I Was the Lion

Valuing Things; Loving Things

The Games Parents Play

My daughter tried to convince me the other day that getting donuts after our walk would be fitting. Donuts, she claimed, would be a celebration for the hard work of taking a walk. I tried explaining the goodness of exercise and fresh air, as well as the health problems of having sweets every time one exercises. She was not convinced. This led to a conversation about rewards and punishments and how parents use them.

Parents sometimes use tricks and games to get their kids to do what’s right. A parent might say, “Let’s see who can get dressed the fastest!” to get their elementary-aged kid ready for the day. A parent may pretend to be the boogie man to get their preschooler in bed. Or a parent may say, “Let’s get donuts,” to get their kids to take a walk.

Whatever the case, it’s a false connection. The point of getting dressed isn’t to be faster than our siblings. The point of going to bed isn’t to escape the boogie man. And the point of exercise isn’t to eat sweets. But I’ve resorted to these methods to get my kids to do what I needed them to do. It was a trick. Maybe not a very good trick, but because it got results, I continued to use it.

Is it any different than saying, “If you finish your Saturday chores, you can have your media time,” or “If you hit your brother, I will spank you.”? Again, the point of finishing chores isn’t to have media time, and the point of self-control isn’t for fear of getting spanked.

The reason we do chores is to have a clean house and contribute to the household. The reason we have self-control with our hands is to love others as we love ourselves. Ultimately, we do these things because they align with the character of God and the world He made. But these are the ways power-based authority structures operate.

Don’t Live For the Carrot or Run From the Rod

As two of my kids transition into teenhood, they’ve begun to see through the tricks I’ve used to get them to obey. I’ve since explained how these “tricks” aren’t the reason we do what’s right. They’re just a carrot that I dangle to try to help them. “If the carrot isn’t helping you,” I tell them, “then forget it.” Don’t live for the carrots and don’t run from the rod. In real life, sometimes we’ll do the right thing and won’t get a carrot. And sometimes, we’ll get the rod for doing what’s right. I feel like that happens when I serve my kids a balanced meal, and they complain.

This reminds me of what Jesus says in Matthew 26:52, when Peter cuts off a guy’s ear in the Garden of Gethsemane. “Put your sword away,” Jesus says, “for all those who take up the sword will perish by the sword.”

It’s like Jesus was saying, “…for whatever one sows, that will he also reap. For the one who sows to his own flesh will from the flesh reap corruption, but the one who sows to the Spirit will from the Spirit reap eternal life.” (Galatians 6:7 a-8, ESV)

I don’t think Jesus meant that Christians won’t ever need to use a sword, or that parents won’t ever need to use a spanking spoon. But rather, if our discipline is primarily about spankings or lost media time, then spankings and media time will be our undoing. Our children may come to see media as the greatest good and powerful people’s strength as the greatest ill. They will find a workaround for our systems of power, or they shall achieve all our expectations and believe themselves good. These tactics, “offered with intimidation or coercion usually feel like snares or setups, which builds defensiveness and disconnection, not wisdom.”1 When these tactics are our primary tool for getting obedience, we set ourselves up as a source of human strength and not a source of God’s wisdom to our children.

God made a world involving both pain and pleasure, but we can’t base our decisions solely on them. We don’t make them our goal. Like Deuteronomy 8:3 says, “Man shall not live by bread (pain or pleasure) alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of God.” The parents’ version of this might be, “Parents shall not discipline through pain and pleasure alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of God.”

All the Words From God’s Mouth

What are all the words that come from God’s mouth? For parents, this doesn’t just mean the parts of the Bible that mention parents or children. To live by every word that comes from God’s mouth means we look at the whole Bible to learn how to parent.

To live by God’s Word means we live according to how Jesus lived, not literally collecting twelve followers, traveling abroad, and doing miracles, but in how Jesus gave His life for His friends. To live by God’s Word also means living according to Christ’s Living Body, the Church. How we parent should be to edify and build up the Body of Christ.

Finally, to live by every word that comes from God’s mouth includes His spoken words at creation. This means to live according to the laws of nature, according to the findings of child development, the science behind how the body works, and what we’re now discovering about the brain and its reactions to bonding, fear, and empathy. God’s spoken words also include our civilization, culture, church, and family ideologies.

The six days of creation encapsulate all these through an extraordinary symbolism. Here it is, as well as a blog link to where I explore this symbolism in more detail.

• Day One: Light; We are to live according to the light of God’s ways. Live into what is good.

• Day Two: The Separation of Waters; We are to live according to how God uses the cleansing waters of trials to turn us towards Him. We are to live considering our trials a joy because they turn us again and again to Christ.

• Day Three: Land that produces; We are to rise out of those testing waters by producing the fruit of the spirit. Our disciplining challenges allow us to draw upon the Lord’s strength to bear Fruit of the Spirit.

• Day Four: Sun, moon, & stars; We are to live governed by the rulers of this world, both those who have God’s Spirit and those who don’t. We parent according to the laws and guidelines of our land.

• Day Five: Sea creatures and birds; We are to live according to our civilization and its ideals for making peace among men.

• Day Six: Animals, insects, & man; We are to live according to Earth’s economy, infrastructures, and mankind’s creative power. We parent and discipline our children according to our means, income, and what gifts the Lord has given us.

• Day Seven: God’s abiding presence; We are to live so that our work brings us rest because it is Christ who works through us and in us.

The 7 Stories of Creation

Put It All Together

We have all of God’s words to use in parenting. And we have the Spirit to lead us into all truth. God anoints us to know how to parent our children, and in Him, we can try various things without fear of a heavenly spanking.

As for you, the anointing you received from him remains in you, and you do not need anyone to teach you. But as his anointing teaches you about all things and as that anointing is real, not counterfeit—just as it has taught you, remain in him. (1 John 2:27 ESV)

Thanks for reading! For more on this topic, click a link below.

Are Women Called to Discipline

Re-learning to Parent

Holding the Line

² And the things you have heard me say in the presence of many witnesses entrust to reliable people who will also be qualified to teach others. ³ Join with me in suffering, like a good soldier of Christ Jesus. ⁴ No one serving as a soldier gets entangled in civilian affairs, but rather tries to please his commanding officer. ⁵ Similarly, anyone who competes as an athlete does not receive the victor’s crown except by competing according to the rules. ⁶ The hardworking farmer should be the first to receive a share of the crops. ⁷ Reflect on what I am saying, for the Lord will give you insight into all this.

Paul uses a soldier, an athlete, and a farmer in rapid succession. BAM! BAM! BAM! And, as if anticipating Timothy’s confusion, Paul encourages Timothy to allow the Lord to reveal how these analogies provide insight.

I suspect that Paul explains himself in part in his own letter. In fact, I think he alludes to these three metaphors later in 2 Timothy 4:5-8. Here are those verses in the NIV. I’ve bolded the parts that seem to repeat the soldier, athlete, farmer metaphors.

But you, keep your head (soldier) in all situations, endure hardship (athlete) do the work (farmer) of an evangelist, discharge all the duties of your ministry.⁶ For I am already being poured out like a drink offering, and the time for my departure is near. ⁷ I have fought the good fight (soldier), I have finished the race (athlete), I have kept the faith (farmer). ⁸ Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness (farmer/athlete), which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me (soldier/athlete) on that day—and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for his appearing.

Here’s what I gathered Paul might be saying through these metaphors. Timothy’s application seems to be woven throughout the book and I’m not going to get into that here, but I will suggest a personal application.

SOLDIER:

Engage in the battles you were meant to fight, enduring with a clear head to please God, not man.

Does this mean there are some battles that Christians shouldn’t engage in? Some battles that don’t please God? Are some debates trivial or not worth our time? Are we to stay out of our children’s arguments? Is it best not to engage in the No-Women-in-Church-Leadership debate? Should we remain politically neutral?

Shall we simply say, as the King of the Swamp Castle does in Monty Python and the Holy Grail, when his daughter’s wedding is ruined, “Please! This is supposed to be a happy occasion. Let's not bicker and argue about who killed who”?

Treating what someone holds dear as unimportant or too worldly for our care doesn’t seem right. We might not care two cents about who leads in church, but some people care very much, and if we care about people, we will care about what they care about even if it means letting go of what we thought was important. This is part of how we love those who are not like ourselves.

If we refuse to engage in our world’s wars because we don’t believe they’re spiritual, we make ourselves so spiritual that we’re no earthly good. Jesus came in the flesh, and His Body comes in the flesh too. This means we are people with bodies who deeply care about earthly matters—how our earth is being affected by consumerism, how secular culture is threatening our churches, how media is affecting our children, what is taught from the pulpit, who ought to be our government’s leaders, etc.

The point isn’t to keep the Church out of earthly squabbles or to keep earthly squabbles out of the Church, but rather to find Christ in the flesh through these earthly squabbles. After all, conflicts are windows through which we might see and love our neighbor better. It’s a way we can find God’s way together without compromising what’s important to our God.

For more on integrating Church and real life, here’s a blog I wrote on the subject.

Marriage and Church

ATHLETE:

Finish well, according to God’s laws, to gain a heavenly reward.

Perhaps another way to say this is to store up treasures in heaven (Matt 6:19), or to walk according to the spirit, not the flesh (Romans 8:1-17).

Paul says, “compete according to the rules” in 2 Timothy 2:5. What rules? The Bible’s rules? This isn’t an admonishment for us value God’s laws more than people, but to follow all of God’s words. That’s not just a list in the Bible either. God’s words are:

1. His written word, the Bible. This includes understanding how God’s character is displayed through both the laws and the stories in the Bible. This isn’t just about do’s and do-not’s, but about how we have the character of God in us.

2. The Word-made-flesh Jesus. To “compete according to the rules” could include running a race like Jesus did. We walk the Jesus way, which is through faith as a servant to all.

3. God’s creation words spoken in Genesis. This one is a newer concept to me. To “compete according to the rules” means we live according to the way God made the world with respect to the natural laws and human made laws. This includes both a respect for gravity, a respect for the speed limits, and a respect for women’s rights. All are realities in the U.S.A.

4. Finally, the Word’s Body, which is the Church. Christ’s body on earth is the Church. To compete according to the rules of Christ’s Church is to live in a way that builds up and grows our heavenly family here and now. This isn’t restricted to one congregation or ministry, but extends to all who live according to Christ’s ways.

Here’s another blog on the subject of applying the word to our daily lives.

Relevant Not Relative

FARMER:

Those who labor to do God’s work benefit first and foremost.

Really? Is this true? Do those who work the hardest for the Lord benefit first? Is the farmer the first to benefit from his labor?

Yes. He tastes the firstfruits of his labor. Likewise, the Christian benefits first and foremost from their faith. They produce the Fruit of the Spirit. Yes, joy can spread to those around us, but when we experience joy within us, we feel it first. Yes, our peace can be a comfort to those around us, but when we have peace, we feel it first within.

I find this highly applicable right now as I parent my kids. I want them to know God’s love, but that means I must first produce God’s love. I want my children to know God’s patience, but that means I must first produce God’s patience. I want my children to know God’s forgiveness, but that means I must first produce God’s forgiveness. I must first benefit from the things that I wish my children to benefit from.

In 2 Timothy, we hear how Paul has faith, hope, love, and joy even as many people don’t seem to have lived up to Paul’s definition of a godly friend. This, too, is helpful for a parent to hear. My children’s behavior needn’t rob me of the fruit I produce so long as I’m producing the Spirit’s fruit, not the fruit of mere circumstances.

Hope this was a blessing to you!

Thanks for reading!

For more like this, click a link below.

Cycles of God's Revelation

God's Words for Right Now

Seed Planter

Three times a day, everyday 
and special ones on Sundays
makes for tiresome repetition
of pork, chicken, beef,
pasta, rice, rolls,
salad, carrots, 
apples, oranges.
Return to the store.
Stock pile more.
Cook.
Repeat
then eat.

For eighteen years
that's over 10,000 meals
made creatively,
robotically,
glibly
hungrily,
begrudgingly.
Does my adverb
add or deduct nutrition
from the food I prepared,
that they ate unaware,
balanced, from scratch, 
their palates to stretch,
though they'd prefer fries any day?
Does it matter how I made it:
affected or in need,
in sin or obligation?

I've begun to walk by faith now,
and that has rent the curtains
across my holy of holies.
The dust swirls up in spirals
where I work.
What has happened here 
all these years?
I hardly know,
but by faith my eyes adjust 
to see restored what was eaten.
That food I made
feeds us again
day by day 
a new diet.

To read more like this, click a link below.

Baptism Testimony

Meals

Formulaic Fruit

The year I published a book, I turned 40, my youngest graduated from kindergarten, my oldest graduated from elementary school, my grandmother and grandfather passed away, my brother got married, I decided to homeschool my younger two kids, we got three rabbits, my parents cabin nearly burned up in a fire, I camp counseled for middle school girls for a week, I read Paul and Gender by Cynthia Westfall, and I began a spiritual formation group with a group of ladies at my church.

Yes, 2024 was quite the year. Before it gets much farther away, I’d like to record what I learned through publishing a book. Behold! Interesting factoids!

1. Unless you have a huge following, publishing a book will not make you any substantial amount of money. Seriously. I make more money from writing blogs on Substack than I did from publishing a book.

2. When you publish a book, a bajillion businesses get your phone number. These businesses then call you multiple times a day, every day for over a year to tell you how great your book is and how they wish to promote it on their show, podcast, or website for a small fee of $6,000. Many of these people have accents and talk fast. At one point, I asked the salesman, “Have you even read my book?” He hadn’t.

3. Editing takes longer than writing a book.

4. If you say the word coffee over and over and over again, it starts to sound funny. You start to wonder if coffee is even a word. Doesn’t it have one f’s and two e’s? This sort of thing happens as you edit a book over and over again. You start to doubt everything you ever wrote. You begin to think it’s garbage, and why on earth are you getting published? You should wash windows instead.

5. Publishing my book took about a year and a half from start to finish. That’s the time from the publisher’s acceptance of the manuscript to having a finished product in my hands.

6. There are two primary ways to publish, with many variations in between. You could self-publish, where you foot the bill and do all the work yourself, or you could go through a traditional publisher who pays for and does the bulk of the work for you.

7. It’s very difficult for new authors to get a contract through a traditional publisher because it means a certain amount of risk for the publisher. If the book doesn’t sell well, the publisher loses money. Therefore, traditional publishers are looking to publish people who already have an established following, who have a salable personality, or who are willing to do the hard work of selling and promoting their own book.

8. I chose to publish through a hybrid publisher: Christian Faith Publishing. This publisher is a cross between a self-publisher and a traditional publisher. While the author pays all the fees, the publisher does the work. Over time, an author can make back what they invested in their book.

9. Publishing books is a long-term investment. To see a return on my investment, I would have to continue publishing, posting, and speaking.

10. Christian Faith Publishing offered an additional promotional package, which I purchased. The promotional package got me a promo video, various social media accounts, several designed posts for those accounts, a website, and a couple of interviews. Here are links to two of those promo videos in case you’d like to see them.

You Tube Pep Talks Promotion

Christian Faith Publishing Interview

I enjoyed learning about this process and seeing how salesmen, artists, and publishers work together to create a product. I had a great experience working with Christian Faith Publishing and would gladly do so again if the opportunity presents itself.

To read more like this, click a link below.

The Story Before the Story

Lessons From Camp

The Passing of My Grandfather

God our Father

Snapping the Cords

Anxious Hesitations of an Iconoclast

Mourning Tide

1. Both toddlers and teens test boundaries.

2. The house needs child-proofing from both.

3. Both ages involve frequent potty talk.

4. Both are adding new words to their vocabulary that adults find difficult to understand.

5. Both are getting used to balance.

6. Both learn from pain. Sometimes the pain takes four or five or twenty times.

7. Both throw temper tantrums.

8. Both are experiencing the greatest growth spurts of childhood.

9. The 0-2 age requires the most physical energy from parents. The teen years require the most mental energy.

10. Parents of both ages would do well to be in a support group. POPS (Parents of Preschoolers) needs a sister group called POTS (Parents of Teens).

For more like this, click a link below.

Reasons I Like Tent Camping

COVID Diaries

Matthew 6 Rewrite

I’m in the process of altering my parenting strategies, and let me tell you, it is messy. I need a T-shirt that says, “Old-pattern demolition zone: please excuse the debris,” or “Relearning to parent. File all complaints with your own therapist.”

Previously (on last year’s episode), if my kids disobeyed, I’d get anxious. Oh no! I’m supposed to do something! I’m the mom. This is my job. What am I supposed to do? Usually, I’d get domineering, manipulative, or angry to make my kids obey. That’s what parental authority is for, right? To make my children obey?

I believed things like:

• My kids need to learn how to do this! (And if I don’t teach it to them, I’m a failure, or worse, they’ll have to learn it the hard way.)

• My kids need to know how to obey without knowing why. (I shouldn’t have to explain everything to them.)

• If I don’t give them a consequence, they’ll believe what they did was okay. (And I’ll have failed at teaching them.)

• My kids need to be properly motivated. So if I dangle a large enough carrot in front of them, or if I put the fear of the consequences behind them, they’ll do what’s right.

Now, I’m pausing and asking the Lord’s help to discipline the number one person that I’m in charge of, and that is myself. I’m learning to trust that God has everything under His authority, even as I learn what parental authority is actually for. I’m finding the Lord in the imperfect and half-baked and incomplete. I’m learning to have grace and love instead of embarrassment and shame. And I’m learning that discipline involves much more than obedience, behavior, and consequences. It’s a full package.

And now a word from our sponsors:

This program has been brought to you by: Homeschooling, Puberty, and Reaping What You’ve Sown.

Changes in programming have been made possible by: A New Understanding of Scripture and New Views of Leadership.

A New Understanding of Scripture

When it came to children, I used to think that the “Do-Unto-Others” Rule applied differently in the parent-child relationship because of the authoritative place parents have over their children, established by the Bible’s command, “Children obey your parents.” From this, I had formed a belief that parents love their children primarily through the lens of “Child, I need to make you obey because God gave me this authority over you.” All other aspects of love came secondary to this.

I now see how the Bible’s instructions to parents don’t mean we get to ignore the other aspects of love or to idolize obedience to the detriment of the other disciplines.

Most, if not all, of the Bible’s principles could apply to parenting in one way or another even if they don’t mention the words “parent” or “child.” We are indeed called to love our children as we love ourselves (with an understanding of our children’s developmental stage and their unique personality). This doesn’t threaten or discredit our God-given parental authority. Rather, it confirms it.

Here are a few sample verses that aren’t usually applied to parents, but could be.

• “Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted.” (Galatians 6:1 NIV) It’s a verse about correcting our children.

• “What do you think? If a man owns a hundred sheep, and one of them wanders away, will he not leave the ninety-nine on the hills and go to look for the one that wandered off? And if he finds it, truly I tell you, he is happier about that one sheep than about the ninety-nine that did not wander off. In the same way your Father in heaven is not willing that any of these little ones should perish.” (Matthew 18:12-14 NIV) It’s about pursuing the misbehaving child.

• “Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling. Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms. If anyone speaks, they should do so as one who speaks the very words of God. If anyone serves, they should do so with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and the power for ever and ever. Amen.” (1 Peter 4:8-11 NIV) It’s about using our gifts for our families.

• “Be shepherds of God’s flock that is under your care, watching over them—not because you must, but because you are willing, as God wants you to be; not pursuing dishonest gain, but eager to serve; not lording it over those entrusted to you, but being examples to the flock. And when the Chief Shepherd appears, you will receive the crown of glory that will never fade away.” (1 Peter 5:2-4 NIV)

• “Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, ‘Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?’

  Jesus answered, ‘I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.’” (Matthew 18:21-22 NIV)

Having kids doesn’t give us permission to love lopsidedly by putting obedience above all the other virtues. Likewise, being married doesn’t give us permission to love our spouse lopsidedly by putting respect or loving-kindness above all the other virtues. We can love according to what all scripture says, not just the parts that specifically mention one kind of relationship.

To love another of any given age, gender, nationality, or intelligence is to discern how God would have us interact with that person at any given time under any given circumstance. Most recently, I’ve been praying about how I might best interact with my teens when they’re yelling at each other. Shall I start playing loud music? Shall I get on my knees and pray in the middle of the dispute? Shall I spray them with the hose? Ooo, I like that idea.

A New View of Leadership

Over the last few years, I have also gained a better understanding of what it means to have authority and lead like Christ. Here are a few ways in which I see this new understanding trickling down into parenthood.

1. I’m learning that leading like Christ doesn’t mean I must have control over my kids. To believe that I must have control over my kids is to miss the whole point of why Christ came. He came, not to have control over us, but to set an example, open our eyes to the truth, offer His body for us, and equip us to follow Him through using the same authority given to Him by His Father.

2. I’m learning that to lead like Christ doesn’t mean I have to make all my children’s decisions or that I have bear all the responsibility for their choices. Rather, I am here to teach them wisdom in making their own decisions and handling the consequences. One day, I pray the Holy Spirit equips them to make their own decisions for the benefit of Christ’s body.

3. I am learning that having authority and leading isn’t an exclusive rank or title. It’s not a I-have-this-calling-but-God-will-never-call-you-to-this sort of position. Rather, I pray that one day my children might be used by God in a unique way too. I wonder what that might be.

4. Finally, I’m learning that my children’s journey to following Christ or running away from Him can aid in tearing down my own idols. I think God meant community to work like this. Children, whether they mean to or not, provide an opportunity for parents’ to give up their idols.

Special Thanks

I want to thank my own parents for the love and discipline you provided for us kids all those years. My respect for you guys grows every day. How did you survive having three teens in the house at once? How did you take motor home vacations with us all? How did you not go crazy with all our bickering?

I want to thank my aunt, Terri, for taking me out to dinner and providing a safe place away from the house to be myself.

And I’d like to thank my grandparents, although two of the four are no longer with us, for helping support my parents in the best way they knew how.

To read more like this, click a link below.

Boromir and Parenting

Parenting Curriculum

Can't I Get Some Respect Around Here?

Various Applications in Scripture

Until recently, I avoided certain parts of the New Testament. I thought that, since some of Jesus’ teachings were primarily used to conduct church discipline, their application was limited to me. And I figured that since I wasn’t an elder or husband, I could skip the parts addressed to elders or husbands. Maybe women were only supposed to read those parts to encourage men to do their jobs, but certainly not to “shepherd” or “lead” anyone themselves.

I have since had an eye-opening change of mind.

Take 1 Peter 5:1-4, for example, which is specifically addressed to elders. This portion of scripture has come alive to me of late as I look at it through a parenting lens. Here it is in the NIV, with a parenthetical parental application.

To the (parents) among you, I appeal as a fellow (parent) and a witness of Christ’s sufferings who also will share in the glory to be revealed: Be shepherds of God’s flock that is under your care, watching over them—not because you (have to), but because you are willing, as God wants you to be; not pursuing dishonest gain (by using your kids to feed your ego or soothe your insecurities), but eager to serve; not lording it over those entrusted to you, but being examples to the flock. And when the Chief Shepherd appears, you will receive the crown of glory that will never fade away.

What wisdom for parents! Parenthood isn’t an unsavory obligation. Rather, I can willingly do it, like Christ is willing to shepherd his flock, and, in some churches, like elders are willing to oversee their congregations.

Since reading the book Paul and Gender by Cynthia Westfall, my eyes have been opened to scripture in new ways. It’s remarkable. I now see how the point of these passages is not that churches must be governed by elders or that women mustn’t lead, but rather, that whoever is responsible for overseeing God’s flock must do so in the same way that Christ did, and that God establishes certain people in authority at certain times for His purposes.

Now, scripture’s relevance is leaping off the pages before me!

But Doesn’t This Make Scripture Relative?

I hear your concern about using scripture like this. After all, if we take New Testament instructions for elders and apply them to parents or women, what keeps us from applying scripture however we want?

We might say that when the Bible describes a man and a woman becoming one flesh, it’s not talking about who should be included in a marriage, but when people get married, they become one flesh. Therefore, any two people can be married so long as they have this oneness of flesh.

Enter hermeneutics. What is the context of these verses? What is the author trying to convey? How did the original audience understand this?

When the author of Genesis, inspired by God, wrote about marriage, did he intend to define marriage? Did the Israelites need marriage and its function defined? Were they confused about marriage? Were they susceptible to misusing marriage? What was marriage’s purpose for the Israelites?

If you examine Israel’s history of unhealthy unions, you can see how Israel royally screwed up marriage, both between men, women, and God. Thus, it seems like God, through Moses’s writing of Genesis, was indeed defining marriage so that the Israelites might multiply and fill the land.

A Few Guidelines

Practicing good hermeneutics is essential. But a fitting application is where the rubber meets the road. How then shall we live? Do we follow this teaching like we do the ten commandments? Is this a cultural guideline? Is this pointing to a larger principle? Is this story being used to illustrate a spiritual truth rather than a moral absolute?

Well, here are a few guidelines for applying scripture to various situations. By the way, I came up with these off the top of my head. This is by no means an exhaustive list.

1. Any application of a passage must be supported by all of scripture’s principles, not just some.

2. Any application of scripture must coincide with the character of God and the mission of Jesus.

3. Any application of scripture must follow Jesus’ teachings about taking up one’s cross and following Him, and it mustn’t prevent others from doing likewise. (Matthew 16:24; 18:6)

4. Any application of scripture must demonstrate that abiding by that application produces the Fruit of the Spirit through a loving relationship with Christ and with His Body. Btw: doing things for the body of Christ doesn’t replace doing things with the body of Christ. (Matthew 7:15-20, John 15:1-17)

5. Accurate application of scripture will, by the power of the Holy Spirit, raise every valley and level every mountain to make way for Christ in our and others’ lives. That is, it brings up the lowly and ashamed, and it humbles the proud and arrogant. (Isaiah 40:4, Luke 3:5, James 1:27)

6. An accurate application of scripture will promote new life. Another way to say this is: if our application of scripture creates a wedding between us (Christ’s united body) and Christ himself (as the bridegroom), there shall be new children (people being born again, transformed in their minds, and renewed in their hearts).

7. An accurate application of scripture deals with the physical matter of our world as it actually is. God’s Word at creation made a world of matter that testifies to God’s laws and realities (Romans 1:20). Any application of scripture must actually deal with this world, not an imaginary world.

   1. Example: We might say we don’t have to render to Caesar what is Caesar’s because we don’t have a Caesar in real life. This would be an inaccurate application of Matthew 22:21. The point isn’t to give to an emperor, but to render what is fitting to those from whom we actually benefit from in our current time and government.

   2. Example: We might use Galatians 3:28 to say men and women are the same, but if we study men and women, we will find that this is not the case.

   3. Example: We might say that because we sponsor a child and help out at a widow’s brunch, we’ve accomplished “true religion” as described in James 1:27. However, if we neglect our own children, family, or direct neighbors, this application fails to see the reality around us.

   4. Example: We might believe that because of Paul’s instructions to wives that women aren’t equally responsible for the family or the Church, regardless of what they know or don’t know. However, if our government holds women equally responsible, and if the rest of scripture seems to hold those-in-the-know equally responsible too, maybe we have misapplied these verses.

The point is, scripture doesn’t replace a discerning relationship with God through the guidance of the Holy Spirit. Scripture doesn’t replace the Church body and its current needs and giftings. Finally, scripture doesn’t replace interacting with our actual governing authorities, loving our real men and women neighbors, or learning the science behind our world and bodies.

Because of Christ’s work on the cross, we are safe to confess our fears to the Lord about how we see people using scripture to satisfy their own desires. The Lord may then open our eyes to see how He is safeguarding His designs for His word in His ways and according to His timing. While God uses us in His plans, it is never according to our own might, wisdom, power, or timetable. It is always according to Christ’s way of suffering, weakness, and sacrificial love.

Through learning to wield scripture like Christ did for thirty-odd years in one specific time and place, we are invited to do likewise for our eighty-odd years in our time and place. By doing so, we become living words of God, or, as 2 Peter 1:4 says, participants in the divine nature.

Thanks for reading! To read more like this, click a link below.

Missing the Point

Metaphor Problems

Doctor, Farmer, Potter, Judge

If children must obey 
exactly right away, 
I’m in trouble
for I’m a child
and everyday I don't have
clear rights and wrongs
to do exactly right away.
Rather, it's half dozen or another
conflicting goodnesses.
It's too late.
I've already delayed 
over-thinking.

But, 
if God made
people not perfect
but to become perfected,
then He understands 
my delay is the childhood
before transformation,
the dust before life.

Remember, 
God spoke creation into being.
"Let there be..."
"Let there be..."
And it was so.
But He invited "us" 
into the making of mankind.
He took dust,
breathed life into Him,
put Him to sleep, 
took from Him woman.

Christ's death forming 
the Church, His body.
The Holy Trinity!
Don't you see?
We procreate dust
before He breathes into us.
Then we die to transform
into His image
for the next generation,
on earth as it is in Heaven.

But I think I'm too small 
to make rhymes of such things.
Let me sum up.
Heaven's hammer 
is not poised to punish me
because I'm still a child
not yet fully grown.
My anxious thoughts--
creating doom for me tomorrow
because of my delay today--
are merely dust awaiting breath.
God meant me to become
as my children are becoming.
Praise God for His patience.
He alone is the I AM patient already.

To read more on this topic, click a link below.

Formulaic Fruit

The Gospel for a Perfectionist

Are Children Born Sinners

If you’re not familiar with Harry Potter, allow me to explain a few things about the wizarding world. The wizard’s prison is guarded by creatures called dementors. They are beings of despair and depression wrapped in dark robes, and they feed upon all that brings a person joy. The way to protect yourself against a dementor is through a patronus spell. A patronus is a bright symbol of joy that wards off a dementor attack. Each wizard cast a different looking patronus. Harry Potter casts a white stag, which in medieval literature was a symbol of Christ.

In the third book, The Prisoner of Azkaban, Harry Potter’s future self casts a powerful patronus spell to protect his younger self from a dementor attack. He does so with a time-traveling gizmo and by shouting, “Expecto patronum!" which in Latin literally means, “I expect a patron,” or “I await a guardian!”

I await a guardian. Spiritual analogies abound. I think J.K. Rowling intended them.

• First, our future self knows something our younger self doesn’t. If we were to look back at what brought us despair in our earlier days, we would have words of hope and joy to protect our younger selves.

• Second, faith in Christ is the patronus that defeats all the devil’s whispers of despair and depression. To call out to the Lord in faith is to await His guardianship. We wait for Him to protect our thoughts. We wait for Him to defend the good He’s making of our lives. We wait for him to protect our righteousness. We wait for Him to protect our children. We wait for Him to bring about freedom and relief.

• Third, Harry Potter has to practice casting a Patronus so that he will be ready for an attack. Likewise, we, as believers, need to practice faith in the face of debilitating attacks. This means we will have debilitating attacks, times of feeling hopeless or helpless or joyless. Each time they happen, we have a chance to practice our hope in an almighty protector. That is, we get to practice waiting for our everlasting, all-powerful, all-knowing, and all-good God to rescue us. And He will.

To read more like this, click a link below.

God of the Dark

Ministering to Each Other

Snapping the Cords

Over the last six years, I’ve been experiencing a spiritual renewal and growth. Scripture has come alive. My marriage has/is having an extreme make-over, and so is my parenting.

Since a complete surrender of my life to Christ in 2020, things have never been the same. Being stuck at home with my family during COVID was so stressful that my coping strategies failed me, and I experienced the symptoms of premature menopause at age 36.

After surrendering my coping strategies to the Lord and being baptized in April of 2020, I spent three years relearning to live by trusting Christ instead of my own mental strength. It felt like learning a different language. The time at home with my family was intense and exhausting. And it wasn’t until the fall of 2023, when I sent all my kids off to school, that some semblance of regularity returned to my physical wellbeing. With no kids at home and with my newfound freedom, I decided to focus on writing a book. God had other plans.

Read more

"Come now, let's devise a scheme,
a way to make fruit without working
to gouge things out or let things go,
have faith without sight or wait to grow.
We'll make what we want with a formula instead 
That'll be easier to walk this road we tread."

So Eve and Adam ate,
and Cain offered fruit.
Noah got drunk,
and Babel built as a group.

Then came the next age with new schemes to contrive
a way to make children, ensure their family survived.

Abram pimped Sarai.
Isaac followed suit.
Rachel pimped Jacob 
for a mandrake or two.
Two brothers slew a town
'cause Shechem polluted their pool. 
And Canaanite Tamar played
the harlot against in-laws rules.

Behold, the people! God forgive them their methods.
Now they need saving from slavery's ways.
Only God could do it with ten plagues, parted sea,
with bread from heaven and ten laws how to be.
But how would they keep this holiness God wrought?
Offer sacrifices to appease the god of their throughts.

"Come now, let's devise a scheme,
to make us look like God deems.
While still thirsting for Egypt, we strive
for comforts and the life of our dreams."

Well, we know how that went. 
Israel wandered in Sin,
begging for Egypt
'til they went to their graves 
with Moses beside,
who, like them, wanted children
without birth pains inside.

Shall I tell of the Promised Land, 
the conquest, judges, and kings:
how the ark became talisman;
and men, their only power and head?
First they cried for judges 
to save them from Philistia.
Then they wanted prophets
to spiritualize their ideas.
Finally, they called "King!"
to bear their name on a banner.
They didn't know that pleasure today 
meant tomorrow, the Judge's hammer.

Such are the schemes we use to get fruit, 
instead of faith in Christ to plant, grow, and produce.
For who wants flesh of our flesh to suffer and die,
breaking faith with our schemes, biding Egypt goodbye?
No one, so long as life looks so grand,
will leave his home until shown sinking sand.

Thus, God brings the plagues in these Revelation days,
makes dry ground by washing Peter's feet as he strays.
He gives bread from Heaven--His body, Her parts--
inscribes the ten words onto the stone of our hearts.

So give up your schemes and your ways to make fruit,
become a child made alive by suffering through and through.
He'll be what you need through Spirit unto death,
which makes us the bride for the Word-Made-Head.

Notes

“to gouge things out or let things go…” This references Jesus’ teaching in Matthew 5:29, where Jesus says, "If your eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away.”

Shechem’s pool pollution may be found in Genesis 34.

“…men, their only power and head…” Men in the Bible often represent these two things: ONE: the power of the flesh (as in Psalm 146:3, “Put not your trust in princes, in a son of man, in whom there is no salvation”), or TWO: our flesh’s origins (as in the heads of the family tribes as seen in the Old Testament, OR man as the head of woman as seen in 1 Cor. 11:3 & Eph 5:22-24 referencing woman made from Adam’s flesh.) What Israel wanted was a strong king, not a king who suffered and died.

“Finally, they called ‘King!’ to bear their name on a banner.” This refers to how Israel wanted a man to represent their nation against the other nations. This continued until Jesus’ day, when the Jews wanted a conquering king to march against Rome.

“For who wants flesh of our flesh to suffer and die…” This is a Genesis 2:23 reference where Adam says that Eve is bone of his bone and flesh of his flesh. To die to ourselves means we not only suffer ourselves, but we are also willing to allow our loved ones to suffer according to Christ’s ways, too. If we protect them from the suffering that God calls them into, we are not actually loving them. This will ultimately mean surrendering to Christ those protective instincts that God programmed into our flesh: parents to children, man to wife, family to tribe, etc. Those, too, must be laid upon the altar, not as the Canaanites did, sacrificing their sons and daughters in the fire, but like God asked the Israelites to dedicate their firstborns to Him. For more on how this might work, click the link.

Marriage and Church

“God brings the plagues in these Revelation Days…” This line links the ten plagues to the events in Revelation. Both these are an un-making of creation that brings about ultimate freedom and repentance for God’s people.

“…makes dry ground by washing Peter’s feet as he strays…” This links the Israelites’ walking through the Red Sea, Peter’s walking on water, Jesus washing Peter’s feet, and Peter’s denial of Christ. Jesus’ washing of Peter’s feet was a way for Christ to use Peter’s denial to cleanse and strengthen him to minister to the family of God.

“—His body, Her parts—” This joins together both the masculine physical body of Christ that He offered for himself as He died on the cross and the feminine representation of the Church with its many parts in mutual submission for the edification of others. Both are the bread offered from Heaven for us to eat. You can’t have eaten the fullness of Christ without mutually submitting to all the Church’s parts.

“…bride for the Word-Made-Head.” I’m using this title as a play on words to Jesus’ other title, the Word made flesh in John 1:14. Jesus was the Word made flesh. Jesus might also be called the Word-Made-Head. By “head,” I mean the progenitor of a new kind of people. Like Adam was the first “head” of mere flesh and blood, Jesus is the first “head” of Spirit-empowered, living-law-abiding humanity. “Word-Made-Head” harkens back to the previously noted line: “men, their only power and head.” Those who follow Christ acknowledge Him as their ultimate power and head. All other powers and heads are mere shadows and echoes of this. Also encapsulated in this line is another layer of meaning to Paul’s Ephesians 5:23: “the husband is the head of the wife.” Just as the woman’s body was taken from man’s body in Eden, the bride of Christ came into being from Christ’s physical life on earth. We are the bride (or body) of Christ, who is our ultimate Head.

Thanks for reading. If I’ve confused you about “heads,” consider clicking a link below for more clarification.

Why Did God Make Man First

Seed Planter

1 Cor 11 and Heads

If you enjoyed this poem, click the link to read more.

More Poems

How are marriage and the Church to work together? Consider the hastily scribbled above illustration. It seems to me that Christ’s way must properly integrate marriage and the Church. If the two aren’t integrated, it’s not Christ’s way.

Side Note: In the following examples, I will capitalize “C” in Church to mean the body of Christ, which goes beyond congregations and ministries. Lowercase “c” means a specific congregation. Likewise, we might substitute “marriage” for any earthly relationship, be it family, grandparents, friendships, or in-laws. In my example, however, I will focus primarily on marriage.

Excluding the Church from Marriage

To exclude the Church from marriage is to say, “I want my marriage to serve my own purposes, not the Church’s purposes.” This would be failing to see how Christ’s Kingdom transforms our marriages so that they equip and further His Kingdom. Marriages not based on the Church’s purposes serve the self and one’s own fleshly desires. Note: marriages are to serve the capital “C” Church’s purposes, not the lower case “c” church’s purposes.

Example: Basing marriage on one’s own definition of love instead of Christ’s definition of love could include both homosexual and heterosexual marriages, those who have intimacy out of wedlock, and those who believe they’re excluded from the fullness of Christ because they aren’t in a legal marriage.

Excluding Marriage from the Church

Let’s examine the other side now. Excluding marriage from the Church is to say, “I want my church experience to serve my ideas of Church, not to further Christ’s purposes for marriage.” This would be failing to see how our most intimate relationships on earth further Christ’s work for eternity.

Example: church work or a ministry that damages, isolates, divides, or uses our marriage for what we think the Church should be doing. This could be done with our own marriage, others’ marriages, or to those who aren’t married. Separating our private relationships from our Church work is another way this is done.

Clarifications

By all this, I’m not saying marriage and church are the same thing.

A legal union between a man and woman isn’t equivalent to Christ’s Church, just like a congregation isn’t equivalent to Christ’s Church. It is when we submit to Christ’s purposes in our marriages or churches that these then align with Christ’s capital “C” Church.

Those who base their marriage on a legal agreement or mere feelings of “love” instead of Christ’s Church are separating the two. If a single person believes they are lacking because they don’t have a legal marriage, they are separating the two. If someone does church work to the detriment of their spouse, they are separating the two.

Always, there is that third element: man, woman, Christ. Exclude one of these three, and you have idolatry: either idolatrous marriage or idolatrous church. Idolatrous marriages say, “I don’t care how God says marriage is to work for growing His Church. I want my marriage to work for me.” Idolatrous church says, “I don’t care how God said the Church is supposed to grow my marriage. I want my church to work for my purposes.”

Note: Remember, I’m using marriage in this specific example, but you could also use employees or children or friendships to the exclusion of the Church, too. That too would be idolatry. “These are my kids! I will raise them however I darn well please!”

Hope

In Christ, we walk the straight and narrow. Empowered by Him, we can say “no” when tempted to keep our relationships separate from the Church’s purposes. And empowered by Him, we can say “no” when ministries or church work tempt us to damage our marriage with our spouse or our marriage with Christ.

To read more like this, click a link below.

Ministering to Each Other

The Fertility Gospel

Preserving the Image

Have you ever heard of the Fertility Gospel? I thought I’d made up a new term, but then I googled it and discovered it’s a real thing.

The Fertility Gospel “highlights children as a blessing, heritage, and reward from God, rooted in the command to ‘be fruitful and multiply.’” (Google AI)

Sounds good, right? But just as the Prosperity Gospel sees wealth as a sign of God’s favor, the Fertility Gospel sees children as a sign of God’s favor. This results in people attempting to acquire children or using their children as a sign that they have God’s favor.

I can see how people might be confused by the Fertility Gospel, though. After all, if God told Adam and Eve (and Noah) to be fruitful and multiply, isn’t making children how we bear fruit for Christ’s Kingdom? Yes, but there’s more to it than just making babies. And it’s an invitation, not an order. Right?

One Thing Before Another

Maybe this will help clarify how the making of children foreshadows greater things to come.

• The physical man, Adam, planted his seed (sperm) in the woman before the spiritual man, Christ, came and planted his seed (Spirit) in His Church.

• The physical man, Adam, was the head of all humanity in the flesh, just like Jesus, the man born of flesh and Spirit, became the head of the Church.

• All humans are first born in the flesh before they can be born of the spirit.

• God gave the physical word before sending the spiritual Word.

• God gave the written word before the living Word came to fulfill the written word and set an example for us to follow.

The spiritual doesn’t cancel out or nullify the physical. It completes the picture. It adds another dimension.

Therefore, when God told Adam and Eve to be fruitful and multiply, it was the first step in what Christ later said: to go and make disciples of all nations. This doesn’t mean having babies doesn’t matter anymore; rather, it adds meaning to the creation of new life. Jesus’ coming showed us what it actually means to be fruitful and multiply: to die to self and be born again for the sake of Christ’s family. That might be done by caring for small children, serving in government, or remaining single in service.

When We Get Stuck on the Symbols

The problem with the Fertility Gospel is that it misses how Christ accomplishes and fulfills these earthly roles. The Fertility Gospel creates a system of values that focuses on the flesh’s functions and thus doesn’t keep heavenly things as the ultimate goal.

Here are some of the ways the Fertility Gospel might do that:

• The Fertility Gospel encourages us to create, preserve, and build up. However, Jesus also taught us that there is a time to cut off, destroy, throw out, separate, and say “no”. This means that sometimes, we will be called to “deconstruct” family, to refrain from having kids, be unable to have children, or be the cause of suffering in another’s life. This, too, is part of growing Christ’s kingdom.

• The Fertility Gospel defines our role in Christ’s kingdom primarily by how our physical and mental bodies relate to the growing of children. While I do think gender is defined in part, if not fully, by our unique pro-creation roles, I think Christ-followers are to define themselves primarily through Christ and how He equips us to follow His example (See Romans 12 & 1 Corinthians 12). Christ’s example was to humbly sacrifice in the body for His body according to the Spirit’s leading.

• The Fertility Gospel values people according to their ability to produce children, raise children, protect children, provide for children, and prove that what they’ve produced is good. However, if there is a time for everything, Christ may call us to not have kids, to remain single, to allow our kids to look like “bad fruit,” or ask others to nurture or provide for our kids according to our & their needs. These things don’t make us bad Christians or cause us to fall out of God’s favor. They might actually be how the Holy Spirit is leading.

• The Fertility Gospel values women according to their purity, fertility, and nurturing abilities, and men according to their ability to provide and protect. This sets up marriage (and probably any men and women relationships) to value each other according to these predefined performance expectations.

• The Fertility Gospel puts women’s fertility as a top priority for producing spiritual fruit. This could encourage women to value their physical well-being to the detriment of their spiritual well-being. This fails to recognize how Christ calls some women into a kind of suffering that impedes their ability to bear children. Such suffering might not be a judgment or curse but a calling to grow a woman, her family, community, or nation through suffering like Christ. (See 1 Peter 4:12-19)

Framework for Spiritual Unity and Love

There’s probably plenty of good mixed in with the bad of the Fertility gospel. Its focus on begetting, nurturing, and protecting children could help people learn how to be better parents and spouses. Heaven knows, I could use some help on how to be a better parent. However, learning how to play these roles (parent, spouse, child, grandparent, etc.) might not be how God teaches everyone His eternal truths.

Loving kids might be a way we learn to love the simple-minded, lost, or sassy. But some will merely see their children as someone else’s responsibility, so the Lord may need to give that person other opportunities with simple-minded or sassy people.

Raising children might be where someone comes to the end of themselves and realizes how much they need the Lord. But if raising kids comes quite naturally to someone, the Lord may show them their depravity in another way.

Bringing up children might be how someone discovers how to be a humble, Christ-like servant, but if someone is unable to care for their kids or decides to take on only non-humiliating tasks, God might teach them humility another way.

Working with our spouse according to how they uniquely serve a biological family might be a way to learn how to submit to each other’s spiritual gifts. But if a couple believes the woman should always submit to the man’s spiritual gifts, or if one spouse characteristically dominates the other, God might teach them about mutual submission another way.

Becoming an intimate and united friend with your spouse might be the way God teaches someone about the intimate and united fellowship we can have with Christ. However, for those who have trouble bonding with their spouse, God might use something else to teach intimacy and unity.

God uses all sorts of things to grow us: talking donkeys, sibling rivalries, building projects, traveling companions, shipwrecks, famine, infertility, etc. Those things aren’t the signs of God’s favor or scorn, but merely the background upon which Christ grows His character in us.

Conclusion

Christ came to grow His family through the flesh. The gospel extends to us an invitation to die to self and be born again in faith as we participate in giving to others and receiving from others in actual, physical community—be it family, friends, foreigners, or neighbors—according to God’s gifts and the Spirit’s leading. The biological family is one of the places where we might practice this walk of faith. It’s a place of learning, not a sign of God’s favor.

To read more like this, click a link below.

1 Corinthians 13: If you Love

The Biology of Sin

Why Women in Leadership is Uncomfortable

Obtaining Our Treasures

Following Christ seemed good
until we found God's way 
wasn't to uphold our own,
establish our legacy,
make fertile our women,
save us from rulers, 
or return us to yesteryear.

Upon such a discovery,
will we, like the Jews
who cheered Hosanna yesterday,
crucify His Body today?
If He stretches out His hand,
strikes all that He’s given us, 
will we curse Him to His face?

God asked for Isaac
before providing the Ram.
Every instinct to protect 
offered up.
There is no faking it
like Peter with his sword
before the crow,
who needed to know
he was divided
before made united
under the banner of Love.

Where is our harvest
but in the fallow fields
where we let die the seeds
we most want to grow?
Only there, in destitute
we become the Moabite widow
willing to bear Him sons.

To read more like this, click a link below.

God of the Dark

Gunman at the Door

Ablaze Without Burning

Preserving the Image

Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect, keeping a clear conscience, so that those who speak maliciously against your good behavior in Christ may be ashamed of their slander. (1 Peter 3:15b-16)

In other words, always be prepared to give a gentle and respectful answer to my children who ask me, “Why do I have to apologize? I didn’t mean anything bad by it?” or “Why do I have to do Math?” or “But so-and-so got to do it! Why can’t I?”

Can I give a gentle, respectful answer with a clear conscience about what I’m hoping to achieve by having these household rules? If I’m asking for an apology because my pride was wounded, I can’t tell them with a clear conscience, “You apologize because it’s the right thing to do!” I’m lying. I’m asking them to apologize because I’m holding them responsible for my wounded pride.

Or if I’m pushing them in Math because I have a fear that they’ll grow up to be bums with “Please Help” signs on a street corner, I can’t answer them with a clear conscience, “Everyone has to do Math, so why do you think you’re the exception?” I’m defensive and shaming them.

Or if I’m giving special privileges to the child who troubled me the least, hoping to spite the others, I can’t answer with gentleness and respect, “Well, life’s not fair. Deal with it.” No, I’m resentful of the ones who caused trouble.

Do you see how this verse calls us higher? If I’m ready to give a reason for the hope that I have in Christ, this means I have to be hoping in Christ, not just hoping supermom-Abby makes my kids good or hoping my kids don’t grow up to be bums or hoping my kids make me feel like a good mom.

My husband and I have been going through an online parenting course called Discipline that Connects through the Connected Families website. Here’s a link in case you’d like to check it out.

Connected Families Org

In the course, we’ve been learning to check ourselves before rushing in to discipline our kids. This means asking ourselves, “What am I trying to accomplish here?” What am I hoping for by rushing in and yelling at my kids to stop? What am I hoping happens in my child’s heart when I grab the toy from him and make him share? What am I hoping grows in them when I quote the Bible to get them to obey? Are my quick, swift actions just a shortcut to avoid the hard, patient work of empathizing, understanding, or altering my own plans?

This kind of self-examination is similar to what Peter was urging us to do.

Here are some examples:

• I hear an altercation beginning with my boys. My youngest yells, “Stop it!” and I see my oldest going at him. This is the third interruption I’ve had in the last hour. I rush in shouting, “Stop that! You’re bigger than him. How can you do this!?”

  • My hope is for no more interruptions, not for their growth, and I am not being gentle or respectful to my oldest. I’m assuming he’s in the wrong without knowing what happened.

  • To enter their argument, hoping for the good God has, means I can enter calmly and ask, “Looks like you’re mad at each other. What seems to be going on, and how would you like to solve this?”

    • This is for me to believe that both my kids have a “legitimate” reason for anger, that God has called them to make peace, and that He will make them capable of doing it.

• My daughter argues with me about why I won’t let her buy short shorts. I say, “You don’t understand why, but one day when you’re older, you will.”

  • I hope to stop her disrespect by belittling her and simply ending the conversation. I’m not willing to patiently teach her the importance of modesty or discernment.

  • To enter this conversation, hoping for God’s good means I can be honest with my daughter about what’s going on in my mind. I can say:

    • “You know, I don’t have a reason right now that I can articulate. Would you mind giving me some time to think it over before I explain it to you?”

    • “Hmmm… Well, let me ask you. Can you think of any reason why we might want to dress differently from everyone else in the world?”

    • “Let me tell you a little bit about the way guys think…” OR “As a girl, what impresses you about guys? How do you feel when they show that off?”

    • “Let’s think about this. If you had to decide for yourself how short your shorts could be, how short would you choose and why?” —This answer really resonates with how Paul was encouraging the Corinthians to judge for themselves in 1 Cor 6:2-4.

Conclusion

As Peter says in 1 Peter 3:13-18, who is going to insult, disrespect, or disobey us if we are trying to do right by our children? But even if we do suffer from their teenage disrespect, we’re blessed because we don’t fear our kids’ threats. We are reverently following Christ’s ways.

This is why we may constantly search our hearts as we parent, so that we are prepared to give our children a reason for what we're doing. It’s because we hope in God’s ways. We can answer them with gentleness and respect, without hiding our intentions, so that their malicious talk against us will make them ashamed.

It’s far better to suffer for doing right by them than for trying to conform them to our own ways. In this, we are like Christ, suffering for the unrighteous so that our children may be brought to God. We put to death our ways of running a household so that we may be transformed into Christ’s body. (1 Peter 3:13-18)

To read more like this, click a link below.

Can I Get Some Respect!

A Father and Mother's Wisdom

Stuck in a Canoe

Do you know that verse in 1 Corinthians 7, where Paul says,

“Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.” (1 Corinthians 7:5 NIV)

Paul is talking about sexual intimacy here, but I wonder if this also applies to mental and emotional intimacy. It seems to me that spouses shouldn’t deprive each other of mental and emotional intimacy either for the same reasons. Mentally and emotionally starved people make easy prey for the devil.

And yet, doesn’t mental and emotional deprivation happen quite often in marriages? Why is this so? Allow me to explore some possible reasons.

SIDE NOTE: This is not a comprehensive list, and I’m not an expert on this subject. I’m simply drawing from observations and my limited experience. Observations regarding my own growth are noted throughout in bold.

Reasons For a Lack of Mental and Emotional Intimacy in Marriage

REASON ONE: A husband or wife might be oblivious to their own mental and emotional desires for intimacy because they’re too busy getting food, building a shelter, fighting lions, and finding clean water. Who cares about having emotional intimacy if you don’t know how you’re going to afford your next meal?

See Maslow’s Hierarchy of Human Needs below. I believe the theory goes that we usually attend to our needs from the bottom up. A couple’s mental and emotional needs probably fall into the Love/Belonging and Esteem categories.

REASON TWO: A husband and wife may be ignoring their lack of mental or emotional intimacy because they value self-sufficiency even more.

• Maybe a wife hates feeling dependent on her husband, so she seeks to fulfill her desires for mental and emotional intimacy through her children, religious responsibilities, academic pursuits, Francine Rivers, pickleball, etc.

• Maybe a husband hates that his wife doesn’t really care about his work, so he numbs himself with working out, working overtime, WORK beer, ministry work, special work partners, etc. Better to pretend you don’t have needs than face the depressing fact that you long for something you fear you can’t get.

• Abby Reflection: Before I had kids, I think I was too busy and self-sufficient to notice I had emotional and mental needs. Becoming a full-time caregiver showed me that I couldn’t meet my needs myself.

REASON THREE: A couple doesn’t work to grow mentally or emotionally intimate in marriage because either the husband or the wife has unresolved trauma, childhood wounds, or just plain old emotional baggage.

• This might result in a couple never learning how to be intimate without preying upon each other, running away from each other, disguising oneself, playing god to each other, or expecting the other to be god to them. Newsflash: a spouse doesn’t fulfill all your mental and emotional desires.

• Abby Reflection: I think being thirdborn prompted me to develop a coping mechanism of escaping into my head. COVID and my husband working from home forced me to stop relying on my inner life to survive. This is still in process.

REASON FOUR: Mental and emotional intimacy may be difficult when a husband and wife have seemingly unreconcilable personalities, cultural backgrounds, social statuses, mental capacities, or philosophies of ministry.

• I say “unreconcilable,” but I think God can reconcile anything. However, when attempts at intimacy are intense, violent, exhausting, or hurtful, having breaks from each other seems essential, just so long as these breaks prepare each other for another attempt at intimacy instead of further calcifying a hard heart. Men's and women’s groups could be one of the ways couples take breaks, so long as they’re being honest about their purpose.

• Examples of unreconcilable mental capacities: Couples with vastly different educational backgrounds may have trouble understanding one another. Likewise, those who don’t know the language to express their appreciation, compassion, support, understanding, fears, or concerns may also have trouble bonding.

• Example of unreconcilable ministry philosophy: A spouse may believe the Bible limits how mentally and emotionally involved a wife may be in ministry.

• Abby Reflection: Up until about two years ago, I was baffled by what the Bible had to say regarding women’s involvement with their husbands in leading the church. This led to a fair amount of mental and emotional division in our marriage, which the Lord used in the end to help us find unity even in difficult circumstances. Here are links to blogs where I sorted through some of my confusion.

Course Correction for a Skeptic

Dear Younger Self

REASON FIVE: Husbands and wives may fail to see mental and emotional intimacy as important if they don’t see one another as their number one ministry partner and mission field.

• In such cases, husbands may see other men as their primary ministry partners, and women may see other women as their primary ministry partners. But the husband and wife don’t see each other this way.

• A husband or wife may believe that what they give to their ministry instead of each other, they give to the Lord.

• Likewise, a husband or wife may believe that not needing their spouse is actually a sign of strength and self-control.

REASON SIX: The nature of a certain ministry requires a husband and wife to give up their mental and emotional intimacy with each other.

• While various ministries like MOMco or a men’s prison ministry might not allow a husband and wife to work together, I don’t think this means they can’t be mentally and emotionally intimate, especially if they see each other as their primary ministry.

• A kind of ministry that might prevent mental and emotional intimacy in a marriage would be one where a spouse has to travel a lot. It’s hard to be intimate with someone who’s rarely there.

• Another scenario where this might occur is when a church establishes its leaders as special individuals who supposedly have fewer needs and more to give than everyone else. This could pressure ministers to uphold the facade by ignoring their own needs and giving more than they should. This could also pressure wives to keep quiet about unmet needs in marriage to maintain the illusion. Ekk! That sounds awful. And yet, I think I had these unrealistic expectations for my husband prior to studying about women in leadership.

Concluding with More Paul

As Paul says earlier in 1 Corinthians 7:3-4 NIV:

The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife.

Again, Paul is talking about physical bodies here, but I think this includes sharing more than just our physical bodies. For Christians, I think this includes sharing in the ministry of mutual edification for the building up of Christ’s Body.

Like Paul says earlier in 1 Corinthians 1:10 NIV:

I appeal to you, brothers and sisters, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that all of you agree with one another in what you say and that there be no divisions among you, but that you be perfectly united in mind and thought.

Who better to guard our unity of mind and thought than Christ through our spouse? Who better to guard us in ministry from mental and emotional temptations than our spouse? Spouses could be our built-in safeguard against ministry burnout, superhero delusions, poor personal boundaries, and emotional affairs.

Like Paul says in Ephesians 4:25-29 NIV: (Parentheses are my words)

Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor (stop pretending you don’t have these needs), for we are all members of one body (and if the wife is starved emotionally, the husband will also starve emotionally). In your anger do not sin. Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, (because if you don’t get your needs met, you’ll grow resentful or numb or hard-hearted) and do not give the devil a foothold. Anyone who has been stealing must steal no longer (stop looking for mental and emotional intimacy in your ministry outside marriage), but must work, doing something useful with their own hands (for your spouse), that they may have something to share with those in need (who is also your spouse). Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.

Thanks for reading! For more on this topic, click a link below.

How Two Become One

Turkish Delight and Heart Hurt

Naming Strengths